DreamScape
by BlueNoise
Summary: Waking up only to realize everything is exactly the way it's not supposed to be can be a very strange and enlightening experience.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Dreamscape

**Summary**: Waking up only to realize everything is exactly the way it's not supposed to be, can be a very strange and enlightening experience.

**Disclaimer**: Kim Harrison owns all!

**A/N:** Warning. This story is strange. If you're looking for something that makes sense you should look elsewhere! Also I promise I will finish it and not leave you hanging. It might get strange but it will get done!

**Part**: 1 of 5 (I think)

**Listening to**: I Touch Myself by The Divinyls

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**One**

_–_ As Light Filters Through A Rain Drop All The Colors Of The World Exist In Its Reflection -

_I stared at the ceiling. Something was very wrong, I knew this because the ceiling was moving. _

_"Don't you dare die on me. Not now. You hear me! Just hold on a little bit longer."_

_I blinked and the world became too blurry to make out, but someone had started to shake me._

_Then there were lots of low buzzing sounds. Voices?_

_A piercing sound. Like a banshee's cry. Or an ambulance. _

"Rachel," someone shook me more firmly. "Rachel, wake up." I opened my eyes but didn't move. Stared at an unfamiliar ceiling. What a strange dream."You will have to get up sooner or later." The distinctly male voice told me.

I turned and looked up into a face I didn't recognize and felt a surge of panic. Then I realized it was just Josh. Josh with his brown puppy dog eyes and charming smile. And hot bod.

Josh, who I had met on a run for the I.S. three months ago.

Something about that seemed wrong.

I didn't work for the I.S. anymore.

I closed my eyes and leaned back into the pillows with a sigh.

Of course I worked for the I.S.

I had signed a contract. And nobody broke a contract with the I.S., unless they were Ivy Tamwood and had the cash to pay their way out of it. Ivy had always played by her own rules. I remembered that about her from the time we had worked together all those years ago. I wondered why she left. _Why she left without me_…which was insane. Ivy had probably forgotten all about me years ago.

"I was thinking of making pancakes," Josh said as he tied a horrible pink and orange tie around his neck. Fashion was not one of his strong suit. "You got time before your meeting? It's something with Piscary's PML inspection, right?"

"Piscary has been closed for ages," I said and Josh turned to me with a raised eyebrow. "Ever since Skimmer killed him and Rynn took over the camarilla…" I stopped myself. What was I talking about? Josh and I had been to Piscary for pizza on our fourth date, just a few weeks ago. Piscary wasn't dead. Or at least not any more dead than usual.

"What are you on, and where can I get some," Josh grinned and leaned forward and kissed me. "Yes or no to pancakes?" He asked as he pulled back.

"Yes," I looked at the clock. "Or actually no. Sorry. I have to go home and change." I scrambled out of the bed. _Where had I put my clothes?_ Last night seemed so fussy and far away.

"You know, I wouldn't object if you wanted to keep more than a toothbrush here," Josh said from the door as I found one sock and my bra.

"Yeah? I'll think about it," I mumbled. I had only been going out with him for three months. Granted that was longer than most of my relationships but still…

"Maybe you could do more than just think about it," Josh still hadn't left the doorway. "I was hoping you would move in with me?" Josh smiled and looked at me with those puppy dog eyes.

I swallowed. Just what I needed to make my morning complete.

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"This is embarrassing; I can't believe I'm down to witnessing MPL:s being handed out," I complained to Glenn as we stood outside Piscary waiting to be let in. Glenn was the guy the F.I.B. had sent to consent to Piscary's MPL being reinstated. I smiled and remembered how freaked out Glenn was by tomatoes, then after he started to love them, how I use to be able to bribe him with them to get him to give me silver zip-strips. Only I hadn't met Glenn before today so I must be confusing him with someone else.

"I'm the boss's son," Glenn rolled his eyes. "I always get stuck with these things. It's like no one else wants to chitchat with the freaks." He said the last part with humor so I didn't take offence. But he should be careful; some might not be as forgiving as little old me.

"That gotta suck," I blew a bubble with my gum and looked out over the river. Kisten's boat was docked a little bit down the river and the sun glittered beautifully over both it, and the water. I turned slightly to my left, towards the parking lot because I thought I saw movement.

There was a really tall man in a black cloak standing there. He stood there, completely still his cloak covering his face but I would have betted my life's savings (which granted wasn't much but still) he was staring at me. I blinked and he was gone. I hadn't felt anyone tug on a ley-line as to jump the lines so… maybe it had been a hallucination? My subconscious feeling bad about breaking up with Josh. But really? He wanted me to move in after three months? Who was he kidding. No matter what the apparition stood for it had made the hairs on my arms stand up straight and my skin feel like someone was poking me with needles. A feeling I remembered a little too well for my own liking.

Just as I was about to ask Glen if he had seen the thing in the black cloak, I heard the click of a lock bolt turning. A blond living vampire I recognized opened the door to Piscary's. I frowned-What was Skimmer doing here? How did I know Skimmer again? I couldn't remember. There seemed to be a lot of things I couldn't remember today.

"Hi," Skimmer said and smiled at us, showing her slightly pointed teeth. She was dressed more for a courtroom than for a pizza place and looked totally out of place in her very fancy business suit. "Come with me." She turned and disappeared into the restaurant. Glenn held the door open for me, not entering himself.

"Don't you think we should wait for the inspector?" he looked slightly worried about walking into the Cincinnati's master vampire's lair. Or maybe it was the thought of the tomatoes.

"Nee, he's probably late. They always are." I walked into the restaurant before him following Skimmer. The restaurant smelled of pizza and vampire, two very pleasant but both dangerous smells. Granted the worst the pizza could do was give you cellulites…"And don't worry. Piscary will probably be asleep. It's day time. We'll be dealing with his Scion..."

"Why does that not make me feel better," Glenn muttered as he fell in after me. We walked into the open part of the restaurant and I froze as I saw just who Piscary's Scion was.

"Ivy?"

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	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Totally stuck in Hollows-land and I just found some of Kim Harrisons short stories. One with Kisten - Bridges of Eden Park - (I love Kisten. Kisten is my hero and third fave in the book. Or maybe fourth if you count Jenks.) and one from Ivy' POV - Undead in the Garden of Good & Evil - (which I had read before but re-read and was totally depressed/impressed with. I mean it totally changed my whole view of Ivy the first time around and was just terrifying in is horribleness the second time around.) I also own (and proudly have it on display) Blood Works, the graphic novel, and while it's way too short for my liking it's still amazing!

Now for some shameless self promotion! Go and check out the excerpt of my young adult urban fantasy novel** Running with Wolves **on** Amazon**! I'm one of **250** people left in the **Amazon Break Through Novel Award** contest (considering there was **5000** to begin with I think I got a right to be a little bit proud.)

**Listening to**: Walk This World by Heather Nova

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**-Two-**

- Deep Down In The Murky Water, I Touch The Soul That Wanders In Eternity -

"Hello Rachel," Ivy said in her silky voice. It sent shivers all over me. It was like it was midnight instead of barely one o'clock. I remembered the first night we had spent in the church, the way she had been using that same voice before…something had happened. I just couldn't remember what.

"Ivy, what are you doing here?" I asked. I was sure that her being there was a bad thing. A very bad thing. All the things Piscary had done to her…

I remembered it then, as clearly as if it had really happened. I remembered her during Trent Kallemack's wedding, the way she had looked. Like she wasn't my Ivy at all.

I remembered the night Piscary had raped her and I had found her on our doorsteps bloody and broken. The nights she had gone out to do Piscary's biddings, after he had made her his Scion.

The nights after Kisten's death when she blamed herself, but didn't tell me.

The times she had bit me. The feel of her teeth sinking into me. The pleasure of it. Our auras merging.

The times she had saved my life.

I remembered the little things, too, living in the church with Jenks and all his kids.

I remembered something I knew couldn't ever have happened. I barely knew Ivy. I would never let her or anyone else bite me. Or would I?

I mumbled, "I need to sit down." It was all too muddled and my brain felt fussy.

"Ms Morgan?" Glenn caught my arm as I felt my knees start to wobble. He led me to the table Ivy was standing behind and popped me down in one of the old chairs. "Are you alright?"

"Skimmer," Ivy's voice had changed character. "Get Ms Morgan something to drink," she snapped. "And get the rest of us something too." She sat down across from me, her silky dress swishing. Ivy in a dress? That didn't happen very often.

"What are you doing here?" I asked Ivy again. She turned her brown eyes to me and the lack of emotion in them scared me.

"I'm afraid I don't understand your question Rachel," she said tilting her head slightly to the side making her look even more predatory.

"I don't understand either." I wasn't sure what I remembered. Wasn't sure what was real. "Did we ever live in a church?" Ivy looked momentarily stunned. Just then Skimmer showed up with three glasses and a bottle of red wine. Ivy only noticed her when she started to pour the wine. Then her head snapped up.

"Rachel can't drink red wine," Ivy told the blond vampire. "It gives her migraines. Bring something else." Skimmer didn't seem the least bothered by Ivy's tone or the way she was ordering her around. She simply backed off and did what she was told.

I was surprised Ivy knew about my sulfur allergy while another part of me felt a horrible sense of déjà vu. That part of me was sure Skimmer, Ivy and I had had this conversation before.

"How do you know about the church?" Ivy asked as she pulled the large silver cross she had given to Ciri out from beneath her shirt. I was surprised Piscary would let her wear it. But he had always liked that Ivy wouldn't do what he wanted. He had liked to punish her for it.

"I don't know," I answered, feeling Glenn's eyes move between me and Ivy, a look of morbid curiosity on his face. "I remember all these things," I put my head in my hands, feeling totally stupid. We were her to sign a paper not so I could have a mental break down, still I continued."Things that never happened. At least I don't think they happened." I looked up and nearly fell off my chair.

The man in the cloak stood right behind Ivy's chair. His hood was still up and he looked menacing. "Rachel Mariana Morgan," the hooded figure said reminding me a little of how Al used all my names.

"Stay back," I cried jumping to my feet. The chair hit the floor behind me and Ivy stood up as well, looking around. She was staring right at where the cloaked figure was but she wasn't seeing him. I could tell because her eyes weren't focused on him. It was like she was staring at air.

"I'm here to collect you," the hooded man told me as he reached out a hand. "This is not the place for you. Come with me."

"No freaking way," I took several more steps back until I was pressed against the wall.

_"No," someone cried. "You bring her back. You fix her. You keep on trying."_

I frowned. I wasn't sure where the voice had come from. Lots of things weren't making sense at the moment.

"You can't run from me," the figure calmly said. I shook my head and Ivy suddenly appeared next to me.

"What is it, what is wrong? Did I do something?" I turned to Ivy. There was the shy look I remembered seeing on her face only a few times. A vulnerable look. Something I rarely got to see on Ivy. It was nearly painful to know I had put it on her face. Painful in its beauty and sadness. I remembered the way I had known her, felt her own self hated, her guilt, when our auras had merged. How beautiful that moment had been. For a second it was all I could think of then the world caught back up with me.

"No," I reassured her. "It's him." I pointed to the man in the cloak but I knew she couldn't see him. Still she followed my finger's direction with her eyes. I noticed that to the left Skimmer had just walked in, a bottle of white wine in her arms. I looked away from her and back to the figure.

Only he was gone.

"He's not there anymore," I said suddenly feeling very stupid. Glenn and Ivy exchanged looks. I remembered how jealous I had felt when they were together. How much I had wanted to be the one to be happy with Ivy. Or just happy with someone. I frowned. I could have been happy with Josh, couldn't I? Only I couldn't remember much about Josh at all. It was all so jumbled, like my brain was filled with clutter.

"Are you alright?" Glenn asked walking over to stand on my other side. "Do you need something? Food? A doctor?"

"I, I don't know, no." I shook my head. "I have to get out of here. I have to leave." Glenn reached for my arm but I slipped out of his reach and turned for the door.

"Rachel wait," Ivy cried. I didn't listen, didn't stop and she didn't chase me. _She never would here. _The thought of that made me sad, for no good reason at all.

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Thanks for Reading and Reviewing! Also don't expect the next chapter as quickly as this one :P I have a life you know...or maybe not. But I do have homework!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: So for this chapter you get Jenks! Yay! As I said before this story is going to be strange and I'm not quite sure if it's going to make any sense at the end :D

Also did anyone else hear that they are making the Hollows into a TV-show? I heard the director of Smallville was doing it, which sounds kind of nice because I love smallville(or I use to), but I don't know how I feel about actually putting faces to my Rachel, my Ivy and my Jenks. Even my Piscary and Nick. I mean the show can never measure up to how I see it in my head… So I'm both hoping and not hoping for a Hollows TV-show!

**Listening to**: Pain by Four Star Mary

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**-Three-**

_–_ If Death Meant Just Leaving The Stage Long Enough To Change Costume And Come Back Anew...Would You Slow Down? Or Speed Up?–

As I walked around Fountain Square, I decided I was most likely going mad. That was what all the signs pointed to, wasn't it?

Hallucinations?

_Check_.

Fake memories?

_Check_.

Thinking people(well one cloaked person in particular) were out to get me?

_Check_.

Feeling paranoid I looked for said cloaked individual. He thankfully wasn't around so I sat down by the fountain (on one of the spots that weren't wet) and dipped my hand into the water. I thought about what I remembered and what I didn't. What I knew for sure to be real. I clearly remembered this place. I had met Ivy here on one of our first cases together. That _had_ happened. I remembered the surprised look on the middle aged witch who had been selling illegal luck charms just down the block, when we busted through her door.

I jumped up and begun to head down towards the store still going through my memories. Things seemed to be starting to get fussy around the time I brought the mayors son in for were-ing outside a full moon. After that…I wasn't sure. Things were fragmented but I was sure they had to be made up.

Me and Ivy hadn't deciding to quit the I.S. together. Just the thought was stupid. We hadn't lived in a church together, hadn't spent all those nights just across the hall from each other. Hadn't had a pixie back-up with fifty-something kids.

But then again, maybe we had?

Ivy had said something strange when I asked about the church. She had asked how I knew about it. She hadn't said "we never lived in a church" or "you must be crazy." She had seemed genuinely confused to how I knew about the church.

The fluttering of green dust in the air made me stop and turn. I was by the patio of one of the fancier restaurants, Kisten had taken me to it once. Despite the sunny summer day a chill went through me. Did Kisten really even exist? I couldn't remember meeting him but I seemed to know all these things about him.

On the patio (which was half full with Inlanders grabbing a late breakfast and norms eating lunch,) large flower pots were evenly spaced out. Over the one nearest me a pixie floated.

A pixie I knew.

"Jenks? What are you doing here?" I blurted out. Some people on the patio looked strangely at me and the pixie flew out of my reach and drew his sword, pointing it at my nose. "Jenks, it's me." I rolled my eyes.

"What are you talking about you big lunker?" He dropped down still holding the sword, still pointing it at my nose but now considerably closer than before. "I live here! This is my flower pot," he waved towards the flowers he was floating over.

"What are you talking about?" I looked around. This was hardly a proper place for a pixie. Sure there were flower pots but there were lots of dangerous things around too. Like the birds and all the exhaust fumes. Not to mention the fairy clan living across the street. Besides Jenks had a place to stay. A much better place. I took a step up onto the patio. A waiter came over. He looked disapprovingly at my clothes.

"What can I get you?" he asked in a voice that was too high for his rather butch looking body. I supposed he was using an illusion charm.

I sat down in an uncomfortable metal chair next to Jenks flower pot. "Tea." I said because I was fairly certain they didn't serve coffee with honey. "The honey on the side. Thanks." I smiled sweetly at the waiter but it didn't seem to impress him.

"Who are you?" Jenks asked as he landed on the napkin dispenser on my table.

"Rachel Morgan. Vampiric Charms. Independent Runner." I reached into my bag for a business card. The ones Ivy has started to force me to hand out to everyone I come into contact with. But the cards weren't there. Not that Jenks would have been able to really do anything with one of my business cards, seeing as it was about half as tall as him. I frowned. Why had I told him I was an independent runner? I worked for the I.S., damn it. "I mean, I work for the I.S.," I corrected myself, feeling lame.

"Yeah?" Jenks put his hands on his hips. "And what do you want with me?" His small features were scrunched up and his blond hair looked too long. The surly waiter returned with my tea, honey on the side, and the bill. I guess he wanted me off the patio as soon as possible. I supposed I couldn't blame him. My red leather pants were rather eye catching but not everyone seemed to think that was a good thing.

"I want to hire you," I said impulsively. Yeah. I definitively wanted Jenks on my side. He was the best back-up a girl could ask for. "Here." I pushed the tea and most importantly, the honey, towards him. "Take the honey as a down payment. I'll get you a gallon of high quality maple syrup if you can help me figure out what's going-"

There was suddenly a loud wailing then absolute silence as if I had lost my hearing. Then there were voices, sounding like they were on a badly tuned radio.

_"She'll be fine," a high pitched voice said. "Don't worry…Rynn took care… Not your"_

_"It's my fault…If I had been at home-" a silky voice said. _

_"Stop…yourself…up," the fragmented high voice said. "It was Rachel's choice to take that run. No one knew..gone… follow her home."_

"I'll take that deal," the world's noise suddenly came back and I had to put my hands over my ears. My head was pounding and I moaned. "Hey?" Jenks said floating too close to my face for me to be able to see him properly. "Is something wrong?"

"No," I held up a hand. "It's nothing." I suddenly felt a lot better. Both for having Jenks on my side and because the headache was fading fast.

"If that's what you call nothing I would love to see something," he flew around me in annoying circles for a minute then landed on the plate of honey. "So what's this problem you got? What you need my help to figure out?"

"It's like…you see…" I tried to find the right words as the pixie begun to eat his honey. He was going to be major drunk in a few minutes. "I think I might be going crazy. But if I'm not then someone is after me."

"Really?" He left his honey and almost seemed to trip on the air. "Who?"

"Yeah really. There is this man in a black cloak, but only I can see him," I told him. Jenks laughed so hard he almost fell out of the air.

"You are going mad." He stopped in the air and pointed behind me. "What's that?"

"What?" I looked around, towards the bus stop across the street. "Where? What is it?"

"There is a guy in a black cloak over there," he pointed towards the bus stop where the ten past buss had just dropped off a handful of people. I didn't see the guy in the cloak but still moved my chair around so I had a perfect view.

"You can see him too?" I asked in a whisper, trying to figure out exactly where the man was standing. The pixie burst out laughing again.

"Freaky furry balls, no, I can't see him. You are going nutters witch." Jenks flew back down to his honey. "But," he put his sword away and started in on the honey for real. "I will help you. But if you think you can fool me about the maple syrup, think again. I might be small-"

"Relax Jenks," I said and scratched my nose. "I know how deadly you can be." He looked at me suspiciously for a moment before going back to eating. "But it's not just the man. I remember things. Things I'm not supposed to remember. Things that haven't happened."

"Things?" Jenks asked as his eyes began to drupe slightly.

"Yes." I took a sip of the tea, grimacing at the taste. "Like you, me and Ivy living in the church."

"Wait. Who is Ivy?"

"A living vampire," I said dismissively. For some reason I didn't want to talk about Ivy. Not to Jenks who knew her as well as me, perhaps even better, but somehow still didn't. It felt like it would be wrong somehow. So I simply continued."I remember your kids and your wife Matalina."

"You knew Matalina?" Jenks's mouth continued to move after he stopped speaking, but no sound came out of it.

"Yes and when she passed away last summer I made myself small so…" I frowned not quite remembering the rest.

"Last summer?" Jenks wings fluttered and he had stopped eating his honey. "Matalina has been gone for nearly three winters," he said and for the first time I thought Jenks looked old. Not for a human but for a pixie. Probably because I had never used that demon spell to make him big and reset his biological clock… Demon spell? I nearly choked on my tea.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "She was alive last year," I tried to focus on Jenks but I had just realized something disturbing about myself. I practiced demon magic. No. I didn't just practice it, I was a demon. I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

No it couldn't be. I was a witch. I knew that. My mother was a witch. My dad was…I wasn't sure who or what.

"I don't believe you," Jenks defiant voice forced me back into the real world. His words somehow didn't make sense. Jenks always believed me. He was always on my side. Well almost always.

"I…" I think for a moment."I know what I can do to make you believe." I got off the uncomfortable chair and Jenks rose up into the air. "Come on."

After we left the restaurant I found myself looking up and down the street for my little red car, but it wasn't there. Then I remembered that I didn't drive a red car. I drove an ugly brown Volvo that sounded really disturbing whenever I went over 50.

"Come on," I said again as I finally spotted the Volvo. "I'll take you to the church. I'll show you it's true."

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Thanks for Reading and Reviewing!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**: So I've got lots of other things to do…so I'm doing this! I got this other Hollows fic I'm really hoping to finish (not even going to post the first chappie until I'm mostly done with it.) It's another kind of weird one. Rachel from three years in the future is accidently jumped back in time to (like a month after) Pale Demon. And the Rachel from that time is jumped into the future three years. Two Rachel first person POV's and lots of confused Ivy! I'm really excited about it, but I have to finish a short –story for school first.

**Listening to**: Never Let Me Go by Florence and the Machine

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**-Four-**

_–_ Life Can Only Be Understood Backwards; But It Must Be Lived Forwards. -

"Hey Jenks," I stared at him as he tucked the red bandana around himself and hung on to the rear view mirror of the Volvo. "Where are your kids? I mean you can't have put them all in that one flower pot." I smiled. Jenks didn't. "They're okay right?" I asked nervously when he didn't answer.

Jenks's eyes narrowed."That's none of your business. You might think you know me, but I don't know you. I don't talk about my family to people I don't know."

"Fine," I said and held my hands off the wheel, almost missing the turn of for our street. I really hoped Jenks's kids were alright but something told me a few of them - at the very least - weren't. We parked and I looked around in amazement.

The church looked the same as I remembered it. Which was strange because I had never seen it before but everything from the heavy wooden door to the graves in the backyard were still there.

I sat down on the stone angel, the one that had always creeped me out and Jenks landed on a nearby grave.

"So exactly how does this prove you are not insane?"

"There is a church. I mean I told you we live here. Your kids live here." I waved around the graveyard and towards the garden.

"Only we don't," he rose up a few inches in the air. "I have never been here before."

"I know but I remember this place," I held up my arms waving around. "But I'm not even a hundred percent sure I have ever been here."

"You do know that only makes you sound more insane?" Jenks put his hands on his hips. I frowned. Maybe he was right. Maybe the church really existing only made me more insane.

The sun suddenly became unbearably bright. I tried to close my eyes but I couldn't. Desperate, I tried to use my arms as a shield from the sun but the light was still in my eyes. I tried to move but I couldn't and then I suddenly couldn't get enough air either.

_"Good pupil response," someone mumbled. "But that doesn't change anything Miss Tamwood."_

"Hey witchy witch, snap out of it." Jenks shrill voice made my eyeballs hurt and I blinked, never having been more thankful for the ability to close my eyes.

Miss Tamwood?

I knew that name. It was Ivy's last name. But the voice had been talking to me, right? It had been inside my head. Jenks at least hadn't heard it.

"I'm sorry Jenks," I told him and rubbed my fingers against my temple. The rumbling of a motorcycle from a street over made me think of Ivy's bike. This all had started with Ivy. Or maybe it was Josh's fault. Waking up with him was the first real memory I was sure I had. Then, I realized I had no memories of Josh at all, except for the ones from this morning. That seemed very strange because I could remember things about him when I woke up, I was sure of that. "Something is very strange but I don't think I am going crazy. I think it's the world's fault."

"Yeah, " Jenks flew up into the air looking annoyed. "Blame the world. It's so big and bad. You have to fight demons and Trent is always out to get you."

"What?" I spun around as he flew in circles.

"And don't get me started on Ivy," he continued his ranting, completely ignoring me. "Yeah it's so bad to live with someone who actually cares about you." He changed his tone as he continued, trying to imitate my voice. "It's so difficult for me having Ivy be in love with me. And my mom moved away and now I'm falling in love with a freaking elf. God Rache. Figure yourself out-"

"Jenks," I yelled. "Jenks did you just remember what I remember?" Jenks stopped buzzing around and stared at me, his eyes growing larger by the second. The motorcycle noise was on our street now. It actually sounded exactly like Ivy's bike.

"Yeah I guess I did." He dropped a feet in the air. "I don't get it Rache, what are we doing here?"

"I'm trying to prove to you I am NOT insane." I sat down and took a relieved breath. Jenks remembered. I wasn't going crazy!

"Of course you're not insane." He settled back on a gray stone his paper thin wings still beating. "I mean what are you still doing here? It's not right. It's been too long." I wanted to ask him what the heck he was going on about but before I could he burst out."Someone is coming around to the back." He flew back up in the air and I stood, looking towards the path that led to the graveyard. As the person Jenks had heard walked into my line of sight I simply stared wide eyed at her.

"Hello Rachel."

"Ivy?" I gasped, still staring at her. I wasn't sure why I was so surprised to see Ivy at the church. She lived there…or we did? Still it was somehow very strange for her to be there. "What are you doing here?" Ivy was no longer in her flowing dress but in her normal leathers; looking fantastic as usual. The little girl look on her face, however, made me very thankful she was in her normal clothes because if she still had been looking all girly I would have been to tempted to hug her and tell her that there were no monsters under the bed.

"I figured you would come here. Since you asked about it…" she didn't look predatory at all, maybe because it was still just afternoon and because she wasn't as close to Piscary anymore. Not that that really mattered, she was his Scion.

Still, she looked like I imagined human Ivy would look. In fact she wasn't moving very much like a vampire at all. I frowned. "Ivy? What is wrong with you?" Ivy smiled and her teeth looked perfectly normal. Not even the slightest hint of sharper canine teeth all living vampires had.

"I'm wonderful Rachel. I'm not a vampire anymore. It's all thanks to you." She kept on smiling, making me think of that creepy movie where everyone seems to be perfect but really are robotic versions of themselves.

"Jenks," I called, but when I looked around he wasn't there. "Jenks!" I called again, louder this time. Where the hell was he?

"You fixed me Rachel. You made me all better."

"I…I…" I backed away from her as she walked closer to me. I hadn't done anything. I had been trying to think of ways to keep Ivy from losing her soul but I hadn't been able to figure something out. "Ivy I didn't do anything."

"Yes you did." She tilted her head and stopped walking towards me. "You saved me. All those times, those things I had to do to make you safe. You finally found a way to pay me back for them."

"Ivy I couldn't do it," I whispered as I continued to back away from her. "I'm sorry. I promise I will try harder. I'll try to make it right-"

"Remember all those marks Piscary put on me. No I suppose you don't. I never ever show them. I never once told you all the things he did to me. How much he enjoyed doing it." She licked her lips and took a few quick strides to me so she was right in my face and my butt was pressed up against a grave. "How I sometimes enjoyed it, even though it was so perverted, so twisted and brutal-"

"Stop," I cried. "I don't want to know" I tried to put my hands over my ears but Ivy grabbed a hold of my arms them forced them down by my sides. Forcing me to have to listen to her.

"You don't want to know the pain you caused me?"She moved even closer, whispering the words in my ear."How much better it all would have been for me to never have known you? How much better everyone's lives would have been if you had just stayed with the I.S.? Maybe even how much better things would have been if you had died when you were a little girl. Died when you were supposed to?"

I tried to push her away but as I looked into her eyes I realized it wasn't Ivy but a hungry vampire looking back at me. But I had fixed her! I had made her human. Just a minute ago she had been fine…she had been fine. She had been human. I was sure of it. Only I hadn't fixed her, I hadn't been able to pay her back for all the things she had done for me.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled looking away from her black eyes and bared teeth. "I'm sorry." I felt tears begin to run down my face. "I never meant for it to get so messed up."

I heard Ivy breathe deeply, then the world became muted. As if someone had turned off the sounds and the colors. The birds and the far off traffic faded away. Ivy's red lips and brown eyes became duller, the trees not as green.

Only a _beep – beep –beep_ sound and Ivy's breathing reached my ears as the world turned into a foggy grayness.

_ "Come on, wake up. They say you have to wake up soon or you might not…" there was a pause "Wake up for me Rachel," the voice pleaded. _

I realized then who the voice belonged to. The voice was Ivy's. The colors and sounds of the world abruptly came back and I felt my body sway. I blinked and stared at the Ivy in front of me. I blinked again. She hadn't been the one that spoke to me.

It made no sense at all. Unless…

"Rachel Marianna Morgan," a voice said behind me. I turned, surprised Ivy let me, and looked straight into the darkness that was the hooded man's face. Swallowing I turned back to Ivy, but she wasn't there anymore. So I twisted around to look at the figure standing on the other side of the grave.

"Who are you?" I asked, almost knowing the answer but not daring to guess it.

"This isn't the place for you," he said and I was sure I had heard his voice somewhere. "Come with me." He stretched out his hand. I thought about Ivy's words and how I hadn't found a way to save her. There was so much I hadn't done. So much I was supposed to do even if I couldn't quite remember it. But being here wasn't the right thing for me. This place was an in between and I didn't want to be in between anymore.

"Okay," I said after a moment. I couldn't be sure because the man's hood was still up, but I thought he might be smiling.

I reached to take the cloaked figures hand…

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Ohh Rachel – can't stay out of trouble! You want to know something I really like? I think you can guess it; Reviews!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**: Only two reviews on the last chapter - does that mean you're just lazy(I know it's so difficult and strenuous work to push that button) or that you hated it? Anyways - let's see if any of you can catch the Harry Potter quotes! Also I'm not sure how much older Rachel's brother Robbie is but in this story he's like six years older than her.

**Listening to**: For You by Angus & Julia Stone

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**-Five-**

- Do not pity the dead, pity the living. Above all, pity those who live without love. -

"So what now?" I asked as the figures hand closed around mine. He didn't answer and instead the world seemed to vibrate around us and the graveyard began to slip away until there was only the man in the cloak and spinning colors.

Then we were in Eden Park. On the bridge-troll Char's bridge. I looked around at the trees and flowers then to the hooded man. Only he wasn't dressed in a dark robe any more. Instead he wore a ghastly purple suit.

"Takata?" I asked frowning."I thought you were the grim reaper or something." Takata laughed at that and memories seemed to flood into me. I remembered it all now. Just the way it was supposed to be. I had quit the I.S. with Ivy and Jenks. I had been attacked by monsters of all sorts and survived. I had shunned. I was a demon. It was so clear I had no idea why my brain had ever cooked up a world where I hadn't quit the I.S. Unless that was the real world and I had just remembered the fake one? It was too confusing to think more about it.

"No I'm not the reaper." He turned to look out over the water below us. "I'm not really Takata either."

"What are you then?" I asked wondering what the heck he was doing here if he wasn't Takata. I mean I could totally use my rock-star bio dad right about now.

"Just like everything else around here I am a reflection of you. A part of your memory. Only a better part."

"So this isn't real. It's a dream; it's just in my head." I wanted to sit down I was so relieved.

"Of course it's all in your head, but that doesn't mean it's not real"

"What?" I asked, worried again.

"You see you aren't really in your body anymore," Takata started, once more looking away from me and out over the water. "Neither am I. The way we are now we can snatch memories out of the air." He reached into the air and a large soap bubble suddenly appeared. Inside it was Jenks, Ivy, Trent and my mom sitting in a hospital room. My hospital room I realized after a moment. He pushed the bubble towards me.

"Hey," I moved out of the bubble's way while I at the same time tried to look inside it to see what they were doing and saying. Then the bubble burst into the air and my hospital room disappeared. "Bring it back," I turned to Takata with my hands on my hips. "If you are a part of me then you have to do what I tell you."

"Really? Is that so?" Takata drummed his long fingers together but did nothing to bring the bubble back. "Do you know why you created this world we were in? A place where you never quit the I.S. A place where you never knew Ivy or Jenks. Or Trent or Ceri for that matter."

"I didn't create it, I ended up in it," I said angrily.

"Rachel," he said sounding patronizing. "You do know you have been in your brain this whole time. Even this place is in your head. Everything that happens is because of you. So why make a world where you never became anything other than average?"

"I don't know," I said quietly looking away from him. He didn't say anything for a long while and I felt compelled to break the silence."Maybe because I have been thinking about it a lot."

"About how everyone's life would be without you?"

"How much better you mean." I sighted. "How much better their lives would be without me."

"Oh yes," Takata smiled at me again. "There we have the problem. You have been stuck in your brain thinking it over for so long the real world is starting to really worry." He took a deep breath. "Have you found the answer? Would the world be better off without Rachel Morgan?"

"I don't know," I said for the second time. It was a strange world where I was just an I.S. runner and Ivy was Piscary's scion. A world were Jenks lived in a flower pot by Fountain Square. I hadn't met my mom or Trent in the weird world so I couldn't know where their heads were at but things with them probably weren't that much different from the real world. Right?

"That's very true Rachel. You don't know, because even if you keep thinking it over forever, you are still just you." Takata waved his long arms around at Eden Park. "I think looking at some memories would be more productive. Some real memories of those people you doubt you helped or just brought trouble too."

I glared at him. "Look at memories? Really Takata how stupid do you…" before I could finish the world dissolved into grayness. As the world once more came into focus the first thing I saw was a very red headed woman. A woman I knew.

"Mom?" I asked. Only she looked very different from my mom. Even though my mom had been dressing a little better and doing her hair different lately, this version of my mom freaked the hell out of me. She was tanned(no clue how she managed that), her hair straight and long. She wore an elegant but minimal dress and lots of make up. She was beautiful but she wasn't my mom.

"Robbie? Where are you?" she looked around the room and it took me a second before I realized we were standing in the Royal Theater's entrance hall. I had never been to see a play here, but one of my I.S. runs had taken me here. A stage manager using black magic for the special effects. "Monty where is Robbie? Did you forget him in the car again?" My mom smiled at the man that just stopped next to me.

"That was one time," I gasped and looked at the man. "But I suppose you'll have the right to tease me about it until we are old and gray."

"Dad?" I whispered, but he didn't react. I reached out, desperate to touch him, but instead of his warm skin I only felt air pass between my fingers. I couldn't touch him. "Dad," I said louder but he still ignored me. Or just couldn't hear me.

My dad nodded towards a door, behind me."Robbie is still in there. He claims he's old enough to use the bathroom on his own."

"Really?" my mom raised an eyebrow and it struck me just how young she must be here. Barely my age. Just then the door to the restroom opened and Robbie came out. He might be fairly decent looking in the future, but at this stage in his life he wasn't. His ears were way too big and his face completely freckly and too long.

"Mommy, mommy," little Robbie said his hand clutching his pants. "I can't get the button to close. They keep falling off." I couldn't help but to laugh as I once more tried to touch my dad's shoulder. I was starting to realize what was going on. I couldn't touch or interact in any way with these people. This was a memory. A real freaking memory and I was in it. It was like a Pandora charm only better.

The bell rang and people suddenly started to move. I followed tightly behind my family, watching as they chatted happily. This was what a family was supposed to be like. Happy and carefree. Not the family I remembered, the hours waiting for doctors, the nights in hospital beds and summers at camp I couldn't remember.

"I'm glad you decided not to go," my dad said as they settled into their seats. I walked through the seats and little Robbie so I could eavesdrop from just behind them.

"Me too. One child is enough for now." I gasped, realizing what they were talking about.

No way.

My mom had decided not to go and see Takata and have me. Then I frowned because my mom didn't look happy at all. One child wasn't enough for her. She wanted one more. It was written all over her face. I guessed this wasn't a memory from a world where I had never been born. It was a memory from when my mom decided she was going to have another child.

"Oh good," my dad said and put an arm around my mom. "The show is starting."

Then I was back on the bridge. I felt a little disoriented as I stared at Takata's red hair. "That was very weird."

"But enlighting, yes?" he asked, peering down at me.

"Um, not really," I said feeling a little stupid. What was I supposed to figure out from that? That my parents had been happier before I was born. Or to see Robbie had a much more cultural youth than me? I had never ever been taken to the theater – or allowed to pee in a public restroom on my own for that matter.

"Let's say you had never even been conceived? If your mom hadn't decided to come and find me or… well the real me? What then? Do you think your parents would have stayed together much longer? They might have. But they both would have been a little unhappy. You made them stronger." He smiled and I frowned.

"They had to deal with a sick kid for like fifteen years", I couldn't contain my anger. "So what if they hadn't been happy. They could have done alright. It might have been better for them." It wasn't that I didn't believe in my parent's marriage but Takata was totally overestimating the effect I had had on their marriage. Takata said nothing and I inhaled deeply.

"What about Jenks?" I asked surely when Takata still didn't say anything.

"You already know the answer to that one. You aren't even worried about it." Takata raised one eyebrow. "You know you made his life better. You gave him a garden, a place to spend the winter months. I could show you his memories but it's someone else you are more worried about."

"_Ivy_."

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Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N**: Not sure how I you'll feel about this chapter. I felt really terrible writing parts of it…like, how did this come out of my head? But hope you'll like. Just one more chapter to go after this one!

**Listening to**: Blood by The Middle East

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**-Six-**

- We're meant to die. It's what makes everything about us matter.-

_"Ivy."_

"Yes. Her and Kisten." Takata sighed. "But Kisten is dead. His memories aren't here anymore, I can't reach out and find them. But Ivy's thoughts… they're so close we could re-live her whole life if we wanted to."

I shivered at the thought of that. Ivy's life was scary enough from a distance. Then the world begun to whirl around and when I opened my eyes I was no longer in Eden Park. I was in a beautiful room and in front of me was a desk with a birthday card on it.

The card read; _Whoo Hoo Happy Fourteenth Birthday_, in bright colorful letters and had an owl on it. There were several more cards but most of them were boring black ones with the letters in flowing script. Not really the kind you gave to a fourteen year old. I started to reach for the card, hoping against the odds I would be able to touch it. But before my fingers reached the card the door swung open.

The Ivy that walked in looked more mature than any fourteen year old I had ever seen. She was already almost as tall as me and both her hips and breasts were more impressive than mine were even at twenty five. Behind her walked her mother, clearly still a living vampire since the sun was streaming into the room and she wasn't flinching. The Asian woman was carrying a flat exclusive looking white paper box which she set down on Ivy's bed. I guessed there was a dress inside it.

"Thanks mom," young Ivy said and beamed. Mrs Tamwood looked unaffected by her daughter's words and expression. She didn't even smile. "Are you sure he wants me?" Ivy sounded nervous.

"Of course. He summoned you," Ivy's mom said and there was a strange glint in her eyes. It took me a second to realize what she had said and I felt myself go cold.

The _He_ was Piscary. I turned to look at the birthday cards.

No.

No way.

She was fourteen years old. This could not be happening.

"Hey," I yelled at them even though I knew from the other memory it wouldn't do any good. I tried to touch Ivy, to shake her or to drag her away I wasn't sure, but it was like touching air.

I felt sick.

"But remember, this won't be like with Kisten or any of those little friends you like to toy with," Ivy's mother said firmly and touched Ivy's cheek. It was almost a gentle gesture. _Almost_."They are all children." I wanted to scream at Ivy's mom that Ivy was still a child too. Fourteen and they were sending her to Piscary? I was going to kill Ivy's mom, undead or not, for this.

"Don't worry," little Ivy said and smiled a smile so lovely it could have made angels cry. It sure as hell brought tears to my own eyes, but maybe that was because I knew what awaited her. I wondered if today was the last time she would smile that smile and I reached out to touch her face. But just like before my fingers seemed to go straight through her and she didn't react, only continued. "I won't let you down. I promise."

"You could never let me down," Ivy's mom said but something in the way her lips tightened made me think that wasn't entirely true. Ivy saw it too and swallowed. "The car will be here shortly. Be ready." Mrs Tamwood finished. Ivy nodded, turned back to the box and opened it. Her mother left the room.

"Son of a bitch," I swore as I looked down at the dress. It was white, with hundreds of tiny pearls stitched onto it. It had the feeling of a wedding dress and I imagined it would have been mightily expensive. Ivy pulled the dress out, looking mesmerized by it. But I saw it for what it was. A sick joke Piscary had thought up. Make her where the white dress –a virginal bride – then take her and pollute her in every way he could think of. Take this pure Ivy and turn her into a monster, driven by sex, blood and violence. I felt even more sick.

Ivy on the other hand didn't seem to think the dress was anything other than a dress. She touched it reverently and her eyes glowed with excitement. The craziest part of this was that Ivy wanted this. She wanted to be picked, to be the master vampire's favorite. She didn't know any better. And just then I realized the glint I had seen in Ivy's mom's eyes were not only worry about her daughter pleasing Piscary but jealousy. Ivy's mother had been his favorite once. I shook as my nails dug into my palms.

"Get me out of here!" I cried and tried to leave the room, but I seemed to be attached with an invisible rubber band to Ivy. I couldn't get more than fifteen feet away from her."I don't want to see anymore," I begged the ceiling of Ivy's room. Ivy herself had begun to slip out of her clothes and I turned to give her some privacy. She might not be able to see me and I had already seen her naked, but it felt like I had invaded enough of her privacy today. Besides; in this memory she was fourteen. "I want to go home. Let me leave." I continued to beg but nothing happened. "Takata, please!"

"Wow," Ivy whispered behind her. The word sounded so out of place coming from her – I had never ever heard her use the word _Wow_ – and it almost made me laugh despite the situation. Until I turned and saw her in the mirror. The result truly was _wow_. The dress clung to all the right places, even though Ivy's body was not fully mature it still gave her a perfect figure. Thinking about it I supposed the dress might fit me…if I could put some padding in my bra. Not that Ivy was wearing a bra. Noticing the black underwear left on the floor I supposed she wasn't wearing panties either.

"Get me out of here," I cried again as someone knocked on the door. I didn't want to follow Ivy to Piscary. I didn't want to see what he would do to her, didn't want to see the light in her eyes go out.

Then I suddenly wasn't in Ivy's room, but back on the bridge looking at Takata. I walked two quick steps closer to him and pushed him backwards as hard as I could. He stumbled and fell on his ass on the hard stone bridge. Served him right.

"Why did you show me that?" I screamed at him. He looked at me, clearly startled. I guess that was a good thing. I could scare myself. Maybe that was the key to waking up…

"I thought you might want to see who you saved. That little girl, who's childhood was taken too soon…you saved her. You made her life better. Despite all the stuff you put her through, she's still better off for knowing you. Without you, that scene you just witnessed would have been her last truly safe and hopeful time."

"That's not true," I begun to argue. "She has Erica and she was happy with Skimmer. Heck even Kisten was-"

"They all helped her regain some of it. But you tied it all together. You let her love you, but you never turned that love against her. You trust her to be good." Takata patted the ground next to him and I sat. He continued."None of the others ever did."

"Did it really happen that way? Was the memory really…um real?" I asked, desperately hoping it wasn't, but somehow knowing it was.

"It was one of her memories yes. But that was a happy memory for her," I blinked and had to fight tears again.

"That was a happy memory?"

"Yes. For a long time it was her happiest one. Her mother was alive and semi-proud of her. She had been chosen by Piscary. She loved the dress she had been given, what happened with Piscary that first time…well it wasn't as bad as some of the other times." Takata smiled a sad smile. "Of course it was only a happy memory until she met you. Now it's one of you that is her happiest one."

"Really?" I swallowed not sure how I felt about that. Not sure how I felt about Takata knowing it either. But Takata wasn't really Takata. He was me, or at least that was what he claimed. I still wasn't completely convinced.

"But you know this. You know you saved Ivy. Showed her happiness. Still you blame yourself for not saving her soul, for not having figured it out." I looked down at my knees and Takata continued. "Don't worry. Think about Ivy, that young woman excited to be chosen. Think about her before she became Piscary's. Consider how you saved her, gave her a little bit of her innocent, her love of life, back. Maybe then you'll figure out a way to save her soul."

"Really?" I asked again.

"How would I know? I'm just another piece of your brain. What I do know is you can't stay here. If you do, you won't ever figure it out. You won't figure anything out here," Takata said and shoved me playfully to the side.

"How do I go back then?" I asked, not amused.

"When you want to go back and are ready to, you just do." Takata scratched his nose and leaned back against the bridge's railing. I took a deep breath and calmed my thoughts. This place was so messed up. I didn't need to see any more memories.

"I'm ready," and as I spoke the words I knew they were true.

"Good. It's a about time," he snorted softly.

I closed my eyes and woke up.

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Thanks for Reading and Reviewing!


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N**: So yeah this was supposed to be the last chapter but I had to many ideas I decided to make it a few chapters longer, so this became sort of a filler...

Random side note: just watched the final of Niktia (season 2) and I'm so happy they're renewing it! It's going to be awesome. Just had to tell someone that!

**Listening to**: Colorblind by Counting Crows

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**-Seven-**

_–_ The Shattered Past Bleeds For The Truth By Word Of Confession -

_(July 9th)_

I blinked at the darkness that surrounded me. Only a few blinking monitors gave me any light. It was however enough for me to see that someone was using my bed for a pillow and one of those horribly uncomfortable hospital chairs as a bed.

"Ivy," I tried to get out but my throat seemed to be about as functional as a plugged up garden hose. I suspected I had been intubated at some point. Just then a little moon light flittered in over the room and Ivy moved but didn't wake up.

I lifted the hand that wasn't attached to an IV and touched her hair slightly. It was silky. And it was okay for me to touch it. Because Ivy was my roommate and my friend. We had quit the I.S. together. We had survived Kisten's death, countless demon attacks and a baby banshee. This was my Ivy. Ivy who didn't blame me but love me. Ivy who I loved. Ivy who had gone through so much, even before she meet me.

Ivy moved her head closer to my hand, reminding me of when our stupid cat was buffing against my leg looking for attention. I wondered if Ivy would like it if I scratched her behind her ears. Maybe I would make her purr.

I didn't get a chance to find out, because just then Ivy sat straight up and looked at me. "You're awake," she said with a breathy voice. "Should I get someone? Doctor? Nurse? Do you need…anything."

I shook my head and thought about how Ivy would make a really pretty cat. I wanted to tell her about it but I felt tired. And thirsty. I opened my eyes not sure when I had closed them. I tilted my head towards the water pitcher. Ivy got my hint but the water pitcher was empty. Ivy looked lost for a moment then reached over for her bag, where it lay forgotten in another plastic chair and pulled out an bottle of water.

"Is it okay?" she asked, holding it up for me to inspect. I rolled my eyes and nodded. What? Did she think I would object to the brand of bottled water she drank? I was however grateful she found a straw that I could use to suck the water down.

"Thanks," I managed to croak out.

"Do you want me to get a nurse?" She put the water bottle down and looked towards the door. I shook my head. "Jenks is back at the church. He wanted to stay but he needed to go home to his family. Your mom went back to the church too. Trent and Ciri have been her too. David sent flowers."

"What happened?" I managed. Ivy frowned.

"You don't remember?"

"No," I told her honestly. She rubbed her hands nervously.

"You don't remember any of it?"

"No," I told her a little more forcefully this time. Ivy's face fell, she sat down and put her head in her hands. She didn't cry but I thought it wasn't far from it.

"I killed him Rachel," she whispered so low I barely heard her. "I found him there and I broke his neck and I don't feel bad about it." She looked up, her long hair framing her face. "I really am a monster."

I reached out to touch her cheek. "You are not a monster," I told her slowly so she would get it into her thick scull. "I'm sure you had your reasons," I leaned back and closed my eyes. Thought about how angry Ivy in the dream had been. Angry I hadn't fixed her. But that was me being angry with myself for not doing that. This Ivy wasn't angry at me."I love Ivy." I told her and yawned. I heard her draw in a breath and then she really did cry. I opened one eye to look at her.

She buried her face in my sheets and sobbed into them. I had never seen Ivy cry like this and I had been to the hospital a lot since I met her. "I'm really tired Ivy," I told her and shut my one open eye. "I don't think you have to cry." She didn't stop crying so I continued. "I feel fine. And just so you know; you would make a really pretty cat."

Then I fell back asleep.

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"Hey Ivy," it was later the next day and I was feeling a lot better. The ugly scary I now had on my stomach thanks to someone shooting me. Yes, with an actual gun. If had any memories at all of the day leading up to me ending up with a hole in my gut I might have felt really bad about it or traumatized but I mostly felt kind of disappointed Really, who tries to kill a demon with a gun? A scar from crossbow or magical knife I could have been proud of. This scar was just an ugly mess. Still it had healed almost completely during the _ten_ days I had been in the coma.

"Yes?" she looked up from her magazine and the sun glinted of her dark hair. She had been back to her normal self-composed well, self when I woke, looking as sleek and well rested as I had ever seen her. Which made me twice as thankful for the complexion charm my mom had brought me.

"I really missed you," I told her. Her eyes lit up and she smiled a real smile. I thought I was really glad to have her back to normal. It might not be the ideal life but it was as close to perfect we were going to get. For now.

"I really missed you too."

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This was meant to be the end but like I said - I have too many ideas and lose ends. So there will be a few more chapters of when Rachel get back to the church and deal with the dreams but right now I don't have time to write them but once summer break starts in like two weeks I'll have time to write again. So keep your eyes peeled!

Thanks for Reading and Reviewing!


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** So finally had some time. I've actually been busier since school let out but I had to do the responsible thing and work on this story. You can't party and shop everyday!

Also I might be mixing things up but Robby was getting married in Pale Demon right? So him and his ?wife? (did we ever meet her?) settling down isn't too far out there, is it?

For clarification - the centered text is flash back. I was going to make it cursive but I hate reading cursive so...

**Listening to:** Out of this World by Bush

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**Chapter eight**

_-The Shadow Queen Will Rise -_

_(July 11th)  
_

"Nice and slow," my mother cajoled me as we walked up the steps to the church."We don't want you to pull those stitches again, do we?"

"No," I muttered as she opened the door. "We wouldn't want that," my words dripped with sarcasm but – while all the way feeling like an invalid - I let myself be led through the church. My mom was hell bent on playing mother-hen and I was letting her. I _had_ almost died and my head still tended to spin if I stayed on my feet too long.

"Ivy texted," my mom said cheerfully while she plopped me down on the couch in the living room. My mom texting? "She said she had to stay at the police station a little while longer. Rynn's lawyers are working out the details but since Ivy spent all that time in the hospital with you and didn't come in for questioning… well there seems to be a lot of papers that needs filling out."

I twisted nervously, "but it's alright? They're not going to…" I swallowed. "Press charges or anything?"

"Of course not. She was protecting you, this is her home. She has a right to protect it." My mother wrapped a blanket around me – like the summer night was chilly instead of stiflingly warm. "And she is a Tamwood. Now, how about some tea?"

"Since when do you drink tea?" I asked frustrated while wishing I had one of the boxes of chocolate Ivy had confiscated from my hospital room. She claimed she had smelt poison on some of the chocolates but I was sure she just wanted the delicious goodies to herself. Or maybe she didn't want me to get sick stuffing myself with them. Funny how sensitive your stomach was after ten days of just living of the IV drip.

"The doctor specifically said no coffee for the next week- honestly Rachel weren't you paying attention?"

"No," I pushed the blanket off me. "Ivy was there. She wrote it all down." Not that I was really going to read her notes. "Also in case _you_ weren't paying attention, the nurse was busy stitching me up. Kind of hard to pay attention when someone is using your flesh for practicing their cross stitching."

"I'll just go and get you the tea," my mother said dismissively and headed for the kitchen. I sighted and leaned my head back. The couch smelled of Ivy and I took a deep breath feeling better. I was home. No more hospital. No more doctors or needles. Just me in my church with Ivy and Jenks. Home.

"Ice tea?" I asked with a grin as my mother presented me with the cold drink a few minutes later.

"Yes it was the only kind you had," she patted my leg. "And it is awfully warm tonight isn't it." I nodded and took a swing of the sweet tea. My mother stared at me, as if I was some great mystery.

"What?" I asked looking away from her. When my mother tried to stare me down I had either done something wrong or she wanted information from me. Both usually ended with me in trouble.

"I would like an explanation."

"An explanation to what?" I asked gulping more of the tea.

"To why I got a call telling me my only daughter had a hole in her stomach. A hole that had been made by a bullet, of all things." She shook her head and got off the couch.

"Oh," I put my tea down. "I don't remember how that happened exactly."

"That seems to be going around, your Ivy was most reluctant to talk about it too-"

"She's not _my_ Ivy mom," I rolled my eyes.

"Well whatever the crap this was about she wasn't inclined to tell me more than the basics," she said more firmly, sitting down in the chair across the table.

"I really don't remember…" I tried to think of the last solid memory I had, but it seemed to be weeks old. That worried me, made me think of how I had forgotten Kisten's death. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about him, but images of our time together seemed to force themselves to play out on my retina.

Of the kiss in the elevator, making pizza together, the birthday gift- caps for me - and that last night we had spent together. Seeing the fangs suddenly made my brain flash to Ivy and me in the van, her teeth digging deep into my neck.

Then the young Ivy, just fourteen in her white dress was there in my mind and then my mother young and without the burden of a sick child at the theater followed. The perfect family of three, happy and carefree.

"Mom," I opened my eyes. She looked up from a magazine she had been reading. The sun had completely set so I guessed I must have been thinking for quite a while. "Do you ever think about what it would be like if I hadn't been sick?"

My mom's lips narrowed. "Sometimes."

"Do you think you would have had more kids? I mean if I hadn't been sick and you didn't know about the risks of them getting Rosewood Syndrome?"

"No, I don't think so," she said slowly without smiling."The one time I went to see Donald, to get pregnant with you was hard enough foryour father."

"I'm sorry," I said looking down at the frayed blanket as I heard my mom get up. "I'm sorry I was sick"

"Don't ever be," my mom sat down next to me and gave me a hug. It was sort of surprising but it felt nice to be hugged by my mother. She pulled back and pushed some of my hair away from my face, smoothing my cheeks. "I always knew you were special, I knew you were going to live, dammed what the doctors said. And I will always love you, maybe more because you are special."

"Even if I don't give you any grandkids?" I forced a smile.

"That's what I got Robby for," she said with a grin. "What you think? Boy or girl? I bet it's a girl- you do remember I told you about it. It was the day before your incident with the-" she pointed to my stomach and the wound hidden under bandages and clothes.

"Yes," I said after a moment. "I remember that." I closed my eyes as the memory became clear to me.

* * *

_(June 29th)_

"Isn't it wonderful?" my mom said cheerfully on the other side of the phone. "You are going to be an aunt. The baby is going to be so adorable…" my mother prattled on and I tuned her out. I yawed but stopped suddenly, when Ivy walked into the room.

"Mom," I said staring at Ivy. "I'll call you later okay?"

"That's fine dear, but remember-" I hung up on her and continued to gape at Ivy.

"I take it you like my dress," Ivy asked dryly when I didn't say anything.

"Yeah, but I thought it was just a dinner," I managed.

"It is," Ivy walked over to me. "Only a dinner party with this city's most important vampires, living and dead."

"Why did you rent a sexy-kitty outfit then?" I asked frowning. She had shown me the costume in the on-line shop and I had seen the order confirmation she'd printed out.

"The costume party is tomorrow, when the public debate about who's Rynn's new Scion will take place," Ivy said lightly while she put things into her small purse.

"That's what the meeting tonight is about?" I sat up straighter. "He's not going to pick you, is he?"

"No," Ivy smiled. A genuinely amused one, as if my sudden worry was funny to her. "There is a mile long list of people above me. But…" she sighed. "I am the last living vampire of my family line. I'm expected to be in attendance," she said the last words with a slightly lower pitch of voice, as if she was imitating someone else.

"I bet you'll have lots of fun," I said sarcastically and reached for a Witch Weekly magazine – _How To Keep Your Familiars Healthy. 10 Simple Steps. _

"I could have fun…" Ivy said. Her voice was surprisingly near and when I looked to the side she was right next to me. "You could come along. You like dressing up," now her voice was like a whisper making me want to lean closer. To hear every word of her gray silken voice.

"I don't thin-" Her closeness was making my scar tingle, and as the scent of vampire found its way into my nose my pulse quickened.

"Come on Rachel," she purred. "Tonight won't be any fun. But tomorrow…it could be like a girl's night out. Only with expensive champagne…"

"Me? In a room full of happy vampires?" I pulled away from her. "Don't you remember what happened the last time? I got so sugared-"

"You passed out," she took a deep breath. "I remember it. I wanted to tear Kisten a new one."

"Um, yeah," I said after an uncomfortable few seconds of her looking way too intensely at me. "So me tagging along would be a bad idea."

Ivy's dress swished as she got up and turned away from me. "I suppose you're right." She kept her back to me. "And it would be too much of a statement. People would assume things, if I brought you."

I wasn't sure what to say to that so I kept quiet. I do know how to do that.

"Someone just parked outside," Ivy told me, her tone back to normal. "I better go out the back. Don't want them to get the wrong idea of what kind of services we offer here." I smiled and I was fairly certain she did too even if her back was still to me. Then she quickly headed for the kitchen and I got up to head towards the door just as someone began to knock loudly.

"Hello," the someone cried and the knocking became louder. "Is anyone in there?"

"I'm on my way," I hollered back and the knocking stopped.

* * *

_(July 11th)_

"You called me, and told me about Robby and the baby." I said and frowned. "I remember that."

"Yes and you quite rudely hung up on me."

"Yes, because Ivy wearing this gorgeous dress and she was going to some dinner with Rynn. She asked me to go to this other thing with her but I…I said no."I turned to my mom. "She looked just like in my dream. She was wearing the same dress." The dream was part of my memory; Ivy had really worn the silky dress. I just had no idea what that meant.

"What dream?" My mom bit her lip.

"The one I had when I was in the coma. Ivy was in it and-"

"It always comes back to Ivy doesn't it," my mom said with a sigh.

"What?" I asked torn away from my thoughts of what the dream might have to do with reality.

"It's so obvious - You love her. And you hate her. And you fear her and you fear _for_ her. She frustrates you," she held up her hand to stop me from speaking. "She challenges and protects you. But it's always _Her_."

I stared at my mother; speechless. I wanted to argue with her but I wasn't sure I could. So much of the emotions in my life revolved around Ivy. Everything my mother had just said was true, but it was the way she had said it that made me shut the hell up. The way she had said it with exasperation, clearly directed at me. Like I was missing the point.

Maybe I was missing the point. Ivy was important. More important than anyone else in my life had ever been. I loved her and I was scared of her. Scared of what she could possible do to me, what power she could hold over me if I let her. At the same time I trusted her with my life and that was really what made it so complicated. Trust and love mixed with the thrill of what could be.

"Rachel?" Ivy's voice and the sound of the church's door closing made me jump and my mother smile.

"In here," I called towards the door then turned back to my mother, still not sure what to say to her.

"I better get going," she got up and smoothed her skirt down. "Donald is waiting for me at the hotel." The way her smile suddenly changed told me way too much about what they were going to be doing tonight. Groaning, I turned my head, burying it in the couch.

* * *

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N**: I live for reviews so the fact that I only got two on the last chapter makes me totally depressed. Especially since I am now out of school and officially unemployed. It's totally depressing! Anyone got a job for me!

**Listening to**: Duck And Run by 3 Doors Down

* * *

**Nine**

_-A Kiss Is A Lovely Trick Designed By Nature To Stop Speech When Words Become Superfluous-_

_(July 11th )  
_

"If you bring me another cup of tea spiked with Brimstone…" I managed to get out after I swallowed the first sip of the hot liquid and realized what was in it. "…I am going to throw it back in your face." I slammed the cup down on the couch table. Ivy barely glanced up at me from the DVD shelf, where she was busy selecting yet another romantic comedy for me to watch. _Yuck_. Ivy was worse than my mother but at least she didn't stare at me like it was all my fault. No, Ivy did her best not to look at me at all. Which was worse.

"_Serendipity_ or _A Walk to Remember_?" she held up the movies for me to pick. There was a gleam in her eyes that told me she was _more_ than enjoying this.

"No more chick flick's Ivy," I moaned and picked up the brimstone spiked tea. "I'll drink your god awful tea. Just let me watch Godzilla or something."

Ivy tilted her head as if to try to figure out if I was being sincere. After a few moments she averted her gaze and turned back to our DVD collection. I sipped some more tea, despising both her, for making it and myself, for actually drinking it. But I hated being weak and the brimstone would get me back on my feet a lot faster than _Serendipity_.

"I can't find Godzilla, I think you threw it out because it got stuck in the old DVD player!" she turned back to me and put a hand on her hip.

"Maybe I did," I said trying to remember. "But you made me watch three movies already; if you keep at it my brain is going to rot." I patted the free space on the couch next to me and slid my legs down. Ivy took a hesitant step towards me as if she was worried I would yell at her if she got any closer.

"I don't bite," I said jokingly. "That's your job, remember?" That almost made her smile and she sat down. Not on the couch but on the divan next to it. Close enough. She however still didn't look at me. It was unnerving.

"Did you remember something?" she asked, carefully, licking her lips.

"No," I said slowly. "Is there something I _should_ remember?" I suddenly felt a little worried. Had something happened between her and me during the nearly 24 hours before the shooting that I couldn't remember? Had she bit me? Or something else..?

"Nothing," she said. She quickly got to her feet, seeming eager to get away from me.

"Do you ever think about what your life would have been without me?" I blurted out as she was nearly at the door.

Ivy tensed. "No," she whispered but didn't turn back to me.

"Never ever?" I asked quieter. "Kisten might still be alive, you-"

"Stop," she said grimly and took a few quick steps to the couch and sat down next to me. "Rachel, I just spent ten days forced to imagine life without you." She touched my cheek and I looked away feeling stupid.

"I didn't mean…" I tried but I wasn't sure how I could explain it to her. The way my dream had been… I wanted to tell her about what my brain had cooked up while in that coma but I wasn't sure how.

"It's alright," she whispered. I raised an eyebrow, judging by the way she was opening and closing her fists, it really wasn't anywhere near alright. She had thought I was going to die, I could see it in her eyes. "But right now…just thinking of life without you is unbearable." She took a deep breath and started to get up. "So don't make me, alright?"

"Don't go-" I grabbed her wrist making her stop in her tracks. She looked at me, her eyes so worried for me. Worried like they hadn't been in so long. _You aren't leaving me. I'm leaving you_. Her words from last year echoed in my head. I didn't have the right to ask her to stay anymore. She would shake her head and leave the room. Only she didn't.

She sat back down.

"My mother said something to me just before you got home," I said, not looking at her. She wasn't looking at me either. "She said - _it's always Her_." I heard Ivy take a surprised breath.

"Don't do this to me Rachel," she turned to me. Her eyes almost as dark as the summer night. I tried not to look into them for fear I would drown in them."Don't-"

"Ivy." I put my finger over her lips, surprising her almost as much as myself. "I almost died. I have a right to speak."

"No you don't," she growled. "You don't have a right to say stuff like _that_."

"Ivy," I pleaded but she jumped off the couch.

"If you ask me to bite you again I will no-" she struggled for words. "I just won't Rachel. I won't bite you."

I frowned. "I wasn't going to ask you to bite me," I told her calmly. After a second that seemed to register with her and her shoulders relaxed.

"Oh," she sat back down next to me. "You just got this look. Never mind."

"Yeah so I thought about what my mom said, about how through all the freaking things I've done, you have been here." I picked up my forgotten cup of brimstone tea and took a sip, mostly to buy myself a few seconds to think. "I mean I've been scared of you, I've knocked you out," Ivy shifted nervously. "and I've loved you for so long. Longer than anyone."

"Why are you telling me this?" Ivy asked, holding onto her arms looking vulnerable. This was all making her very uncomfortable, I could clearly tell. It was taking all of her considerable will power to sit still next to me.

"Because my mother was, is, right," I sighed. "She barely knows half the things we've been through but she is right. It's you Ivy. It's always going to be you." I glanced at her quickly but there was nothing on her face that betrayed what she was really feeling. I wasn't even sure what I was feeling myself so I guessed it was too much to expect Ivy to."I'm not really sure what that means but Ivy…Ivy, would you say something?"

"I wish you would have asked me to bite you," she said slowly. She left the room before I could as much as make a squeak.

Suddenly another memory of her walking out on me wormed its way back into my head.

* * *

_(June 29th )_

"Hello," someone cried outside the church's door and the knocking became louder. "Is anyone in there?"

"I'm on my way," I hollered back and the knocking stopped. I turned the light on as I walked into the sanctuary and towards the door, not wanting to greet a client in the dark. I shook it off. It was just Ivy being Ivy.

"Um hi?" I said as I opened the door to two pale faces. One of them, the guy – my age -with puppy dog eyes and a hot bod, had blood on his face. The other was a girl who looked about twenty. They were both human. I was suddenly glad the pixies were shutting up and staying out of sight for once.

"We're looking for someone to help us with a werewolf situation," the guy said. "My name is Logan, this is Sissy, my little sister." I opened the door for them just as a limo pulled around to our block and Ivy detached herself from the shadows of the church. Neither Logan nor Sissy had noticed her.

"I'll get you something for that scratch and you can tell me about it," I said and closed the door. Logan and Sissy took a seat on the sanctuary's couch and I went down the hall to my bathroom and got a first aid kit out. Took a moment to look myself in the mirror, to make sure I didn't look too flushed from being so close to a half vamped out Ivy just a minute ago. I looked fine so I went back out to my newest clients.

"So wanna share your problem?" I asked and pushed the first aid kit across the table to Sissy, who opened it.

"Well we-" Logan started but Sissy interrupted him.

"There was this guy," she said softly as she begun to clean the cut on her brother's forehead. "He asked if he could give me a ride. Me and Logan just moved to the Hollows a little while ago after our parents died and I know it was stupid but he looked nice. It was dark and I didn't want to walk alone so I said _sure…_" I managed not to wince at her story. Accepting a ride in the Hollows, especially if you were a norm, was just asking for trouble. We might be a fairly nice bunch but there were a lot of dangerous things out there too.

When it became clear Sissy wasn't going to continue the story Logan did it for her."Then he attacked her but she managed to escape." His eyes were intent and angry. "Barely." He turned to his sister. "Show her the scratches." Sissy swallowed and pulled her skirt halfway up her thigh to reveal long scratch marks. I swallowed. I had seen markings like that before, on Ivy, the night Piscary had raped her. I looked at Sissy's young pale face and felt righteous anger well up inside me.

"Go on," I said after Logan too fell silent.

"Logan went after him with a baseball bat," Sissy said simply after putting a little butterfly band aid on Logan's forehead.

"My uncle owns a garage and Sissy got the plates on the car. So when this dirt bag showed up at the garage… I wanted to make sure he could never hurt anyone like he tried to hurt Sissy." Logan cracked his knuckles then hugged his sister.

"So what's the trouble you're in?" Sounded like Logan had taken care of the problem.

"It turns out he's a werewolf. So now his whole pack is after me. They tried to run me over. Twice. One even came to my uncle's shop with a gun looking for me," Logan said exasperated. "It's like they are all after me. This guy saw me at the market and just went for me with a can of tomatoes," Logan shivered. Probably the tomatoes scared him more than the werewolf. Strange norms. "I heard about you, that you help people. And we need help."

They sure did. "You offended one of the pack members. It's like a gang, honor is important. That's why they all want you dead." Sissy hung her head and Logan looked lost."But there is an upside."

"What?" Logan asked and leaned forward.

"He tried to," I softened it not wanting to use the ugly word _Rape_. "He attacked you that might be enough to get him thrown out of the pack. Then you only have to worry about one wolf."

"Really?"

"Yeah, hopefully," I reached for a pen and pad next to the phone and tore away the top sheet of scribbles I had left there a while back. "You have the guy's name, right?" Logan nodded.

"From the car's insurance papers. I even got his address, that's how I managed to jump him I think," Logan scratched his cheek. Boy he was adorable looking. "I thought werewolves were supposed to be super strong. I didn't even know he was one. I guess I was seeing red and just…" he squeezed Sissy's shoulder again.

"Well if you have his name I'll be able to find what pack he belongs to fairly easy and then I'll just go and have a talk with the Alpha." I smiled at them. "Easy peasy. But you should probably lay low for a while. Stay with a friend, one who doesn't live in the Hollows."

"Alright," Logan said and nodded. "About the money. I get paid next week, would it be okay if I paid you then."

"Sure," I said and smiled. Ivy wasn't going to let me starve and the new shoes I had been eyeing could wait

"You know I've been thinking about trying to invent a detergent that washes your scent out the first time," I told Jenks as I sat on top of the washing machine eating microwave pizza. He snickered at me when I spilled cheese on my bathrobe. Probably because he had watched me put the extra layer of cheese on it.

"Yeah?" He landed on the sink in his best peter pan pose. "Or you could have just not used Ivy's towels."

"But they are so awesomely fluffy," I argued. Her towels also smelled absolutely fantastic. And it had been so long since I took a bath and I was so looking forward to it I'd completely forgotten to bring my own towels to Ivy's bathroom.

The noise of a few squealing pixie kids alerted me to Ivy's arrival back home before the door opened. The pixies were supposed to stay outside during the summer months but it wasn't like they listened. Or I minded. As long as they weren't breaking things or making ultra sonic sound that made my ears feel like bleeding.

"Ivy," I called as I jumped off the washing machine and went out in the hall just as Ivy closed the church's door.

"Hi," she got out before quickly disappearing into her room. I frowned and put the last slice of pizza into my mouth.

"How the meeting go?" I asked still chewing.

"Badly," Ivy said and appeared in the door no longer in her pretty dress but in a pair of leather pants and a black bra. The fresh bite mark on her throat stood out in stark contrast to her pale skin. "Rynn doesn't want me as his Scion but some of the older cinci vamps thinks anyone else would be inappropriate. I think Rynn managed to talk them down but…" she slipped a sweater of her head, a turtle neck that covered up the bite. The fact that she covered it up made me feel slightly better. "What?" she asked as I kept staring at her neck.

"And him biting you? Was that part of his oh so polite way of saying no-I-don't-want-you-as-my-scion?" I heard my voice shake slightly. Ivy's eyes grew darker and her eyebrows drew together.

"That's what you ask about? The bite?" she sounded disbelieving. "Rachel, I might be forced to be Rynn's scion and-"

"What?" I frowned. "But he doesn't want you." Ivy's eyes narrowed at that.

"Oh he does want me Rachel," she took a step closer to me. "It would make it so much easier for him. But he doesn't think it would be good for my relationship with you." Her tone changed to mocking. "For when you come around and realize what you're missing out on."

"So I guess you didn't tell him you are over me then?" I yelled at her as she begun to walk towards the sanctuary. "Didn't bother to mention we are about as done as two people can get? Ever since that hotel-"

"Don't you throw that at me." She spun around to face me. Her cheeks were turning red. "I thought you were going to be gone forever. Stuck in the Ever After."

"So what?"

"You don't get it," she muttered and turned to leave but I grabbed a hold of her upper arm. She threw me off and showed her teeth. I stumbled back nearly falling on my ass.

"Tell me," I called after her as she once more went for the door. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to blow up," I tried to apologize. She slowed and turned. "Just tell me."

"Rachel, I'm no good at this-" she began with that condescending tone she sometimes used when trying to explain vampire matters, fully knowing I wasn't going to get the finer points.

"Fine. Don't tell me. I'm going to bed," I turned and stomped off. Looking back I saw she did the exact same thing.

"Good work Rache," Jenks said as he landed on my shoulder just as the front door slammed shut.

"Shut up, Jenks."

* * *

_(July 11th )_

I blinked and was back on the couch with a very painful bullet wound. I groaned and laid my head back down. Then my heart suddenly picked up speed. Was Ivy Rynn's scion now? Was that why she was acting so strangely, not looking at me. I force myself to sit up and calm down. She would have told me. Or my mom would have. If Ivy was Rynn's new scion everyone would know. She would have told me.

That just left her walking out on me after I confessed I might love her…or I did love her already. Maybe what I had confessed hadn't been some big fantastic thing to her. But what I had told her had been a revelation to me. Ivy was always there for me and through the shit that was my life she had held on. And I had held on to her. It was always Ivy. Just like my mother had said. I groaned. My mother was better at figuring my life out than me. But I really shouldn't be surprised.

I managed to get to my feet, half wishing I had accepted the crutches the hospital tried to loan me and picked up my cup. The tea was still semi-hot so I couldn't have been lost in my memories for too long. Smiling I thought about how I had modeled coma-Josh from Logan. He sure was a fine specimen, totally dream worthy. Those brown puppy dog eyes were to die for.

Ivy didn't look up from her computer when I walked into the kitchen. Neither did she move to help me as I wobbled over to the sink to dump my brimstone tea and then to the refrigerator.

"We had been fighting hadn't we?" I asked as I looked into the fridge. Ivy had brought groceries on the way home, but they were all on the Rachel friendly food list. Meaning there was only soup and veggies in the stupid thing. Still I kept staring into it so I wouldn't have to look at Ivy. "Before I got shot?"

"Yes," she said after a few seconds. "Do you remember it now?"

I shrugged. "I guess." I heard Ivy return to tapping on the computer. I kept staring into the fridge trying to figure out something tasty I could make. "I lied before," I told her after a moment. "I do know what it meant. The realization." The tapping stopped. She was listening. "I want you to be happy Ivy."

"Mmm," she said as if to encourage me to continue.

"You remember at the hotel last year?" I asked, moving a carton of milk."You said I made you happy, but you figured out a way to be happy even without me?" she didn't answer but she didn't start tapping on her computer either. "I want you to choose to be happy with me. If you want to. Because there is a lot of things about me that are messed up. I would understand if you choose someone else. But if you pick me…I'm all in. Okay? The blood. The sex. The love thing. We'll have to go slow and I can't promise it will be perfect or anything but _It's You_, Ivy. It's always been you." I wanted to turn around and look at her but I kept staring into the fridge. Kept holding on to the milk.

"You," she whispered suddenly right behind me. I hadn't heard her chair scrape or her move across the floor. I spun around, still holding onto the milk.

"What?"

"You," she said again. "I choose you," she looked into my eyes as if searching for something to tell her it wasn't real. There was a near desperate look on her face. She wanted it to be true so badly. After a minute of just staring at me and me staring at her she took the milk carton an put it back in the fridge leaning close to me as she did. I half expected her to ask if I was sure, but she had already seen the answer in my eyes.

Her breath caressed my ear and my neck. Her arms closed around me and the scent of vampire and Ivy surrounded me. I felt strangely safe as she pulled back slightly to look into my eyes again. Then my pulse rose, pounding away as her lips met mine and the scent of citrus, vampire and soap became everything, her soft mouth everything. Her arms everything. I was lost and found at the same time.

* * *

Thanks for reading and reviewing! Anyone remember the name of Rynn's scion?


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **A little bit of dialogue in this chapter comes from another Hollows fan fic (re-written some) but I figure since we're already playing with borrowed characters I could borrow these totally amazing lines. Also very sleepy over here so I hope there aren't too many spelling mistakes and other weird stuff in this chapter.

Anyways, on to the story! And yes we do make totally awesome beds in Sweden!

**Listening to:** Red Blooded Woman by Kylie Minogue

* * *

-**Ten**-

_- In the Wee Hours-_

_(July 12th)  
_

It fluttered against my stomach again but I was too tired to move. The bed was too comfortable and smelled too good. It trailed across my bare stomach again and nerves I hadn't known I had all over me suddenly went haywire. With a jerk I opened my eyes and moved away from the object touching me; tickling me.

Blinking in the bright afternoon sun I looked over at Ivy, who had a half smile on her face and a feather in her hand. She was wearing a black nightgown, which she hadn't been when I last saw her. Then she had been mostly dressed. I at least was still in my sweat pants and unzipped hoodie. My bra was one of my really old ones, I had bought at the "_your first bra_" section and had little purple hearts all over it. Strangely enough that hadn't seemed embarrassing last night.

"Finally, I thought you were going to sleep all day," Ivy said, dropping the feather on the bedside table. She looked completely at ease with me in her bed.

I wasn't sure what I felt about having spent the night with her. There hadn't been anything other than kissing and well… Ivy's shirt had disappeared at some point; but due to both me being injured and Ivy insisting we had waited years so a few days wouldn't hurt. I was torn between being grateful and pissed off at her for it. Too confused to say something intelligent I said the first thing that came into my head. "My god your bed is soft."

"It was made in Sweden." She smiled. "And the sheets are Italian, with a tread count nearly as ridiculously high as their price."

"Too bad I am wearing too much clothes to really appreciate them," I said looking down at the kicked off cover and my still mostly clothed body. The bandage wrapped around my upper stomach hid the wound there but looking at it made my curiosity rise. "What happened? How did I get shot?" I asked, abruptly changing the moon in the room. Remembering her words and reaction at the hospital I nearly added, "who did you kill?" but managed to keep my tongue in check. But I really did want to know and no one had bothered to tell me anything.

She frowned and the smile that had been playing on her lips vanished. "I rather not talk about it," she turned slightly from me looking out through the open window. I followed her gaze out on the lovely summer day.

"Come on Ivy," I did my best to sit up but despite the brimstone and a long night's sleep I was still not feeling much better. "I can't remember any of it. Talk to me." I took her wrist to make her look at me instead of the garden. "Nothing you tell me will make...I mean it won't matter what you did. I just want to know."

"You really don't remember it," she whispered and turned slightly back to me. When I let go of her wrist she instead caught my hand and looked at it. "I see it when I close my eyes."

"See what?" I asked when she didn't continue. I wonder just what she saw. She had killed someone. I knew it wasn't the first someone but it still had to be hard. Maybe she saw the guy just before he died. Or maybe all the little sociopath children he never would father. Maybe an imagined grieving mother, sister or lover.

"Your eyes," her voice was barley even a whisper. "You saw me do it. Kill him. And afterwards when you were bleeding out in my arms you had this look in your eyes." She took a deep breath. "Like you could see the monster inside."

"Ivy-"

"No." she turned her gaze back up to my eyes. "Rachel when I realized you didn't remember the details." She shook her head and sank back down onto the pillows next to me. "I was happy. I was so happy and relieved. I'm glad you still can't remember _any_ of it."

"But I _want_ to remember Ivy," I said not looking at her. I didn't just want to remember. I needed to. I was sure it couldn't be as bad as she said. I could never ever see Ivy just as a monster. That wasn't possible. Or maybe it was? I shivered at the thought. Ivy's black eyes and her lips covered in blood. It wasn't a memory it was just a scary picture my mind cooked up. I knew Ivy had a dark side but she wasn't a monster. She wasn't.

"I will tell you if you truly want to know but-" she grabbed onto my hand, desperate. As if she was afraid I would jump out of the bed and run away from her at any moment. I might want to remember but I suspected Ivy having to retell the night she killed someone and nearly watched me die would do her so much more harm than it would do me good.

"It can wait," I quickly said and squeezed her hand. She turned her head towards the ceiling and sighed.

"Thank you," she whispered and closed her eyes.

Just then I wanted to tell her I loved her and that she was beautiful. But that would sound way too sappy and she already knew both those things. So instead I said, "I'm really glad I met you. Don't ever forget that." She only smiled still keeping her eyes shut.

My stomach growled slightly but I ignored it. Such a trivial thing as food really didn't seem to matter. I glanced at Ivy; she looked like the sleeping Snow White. _Hair as dark as ebony, lips red as blood and skin as white as snow. A princess_. I smiled at that and half closed my eyes. I might have to wake her with a kiss. Later.

As we lay there, our hands clasped together, our bodies touching slightly and the sun streaming in I felt a strange sort of peace. There was no need to talk, to move or do anything other than be there. It was different from what I imagined my first morning in Ivy's bed would be like, but it was a good different. Everything in my life had been rushed spur of the moment decisions; from my prom dates to my sex partners and all my jobs. Maybe slow was the key.

Ivy's silky voice suddenly brought me out of the half asleep state I was in. "Who could refrain that had a heart to love and in that heart courage to make love known?" I turned to look at her. Her eyes were open but she was still facing the ceiling and her hand held mine as hard as ever.

"Did you just recite poetry to me?" I frowned.

"Yes, I think perhaps I did." She smiled sheepishly and turned her head slightly. "Only it's not poetry – it's Shakespeare," she whispered close to my ear.

"What does it mean?" I asked, too tired to try to figure it out on my own _and_ fight the effect her closeness had on my brain's higher functioning center.

"It means," she pulled back from me. "I'm glad you came around."Sitting up she continued, "for all your bravery this – us - was something you never had the courage to face before."

"I hadn't figured it out before," I argued wanting to sit up too but the bed was just too comfortable.

"Whatever makes you sleep at night," she patted the bed before getting off it. "As long as you're sleeping in this bed, I don't care."

"Hey," I called after her as she headed out of the room with a towel and a set of clothes in her arms. She only smiled over her shoulder at me. Groaning I laid back down on the bed. It really was heavenly soft. A faint smell caught my attention. It wasn't mine and it wasn't Ivy's.

* * *

(June 30th)

I think it was the dream that woke me. I had been having it a lot. It was almost always the same. I am walking on a road in the woods and all of the sudden a gigantic cat comes out and tells me I'm lost. But I tell the cat I'm not lost, just following the road. Then I walk past the cat, turn the corner and fall off this gigantic cliff. While I'm falling I'm screaming and then just when I'm about to hit the ground the cat laughs and I wake up.

Or maybe it was the noise that disturbed my sleep.

Like someone moving in the kitchen. I looked over at the clock. 7 AM. Way too early to even consider getting out of the bed to check, seeing as I had just landed in it a mere three hours ago. I couldn't believe some humans got up this early.

There was the noise again. And something that sounded like the fridge being opened. Maybe I should drag myself out of bed. Only to say hi to Ivy and apologize for yelling at her. Yeah. I looked at my empty water glass. As good of an excuse as any, I reached for the glass. There was some dust in it, because it had been sitting there empty for a month and I turned it upside down to let the particles "fly" away.

A low laughter that wasn't Ivy's made me stop before I got to the kitchen. Someone moved something plastic. Like a grocery bag. Ivy spoke but the wall made her voice too muted for me to hear the words. Another person answered then silence. I stood frozen for a moment. Ivy rarely brought strange people home with her. Maybe it was someone I knew. Maybe it was Ciric. Maybe she was here for a visit. Yeah, that seemed likely…

Tentatively I walked into the kitchen. Early morning light was coming in from the windows but the scene in my kitchen wasn't anything like the lovely morning. Ivy's head was buried in the crock of a short blonde's neck. Ivy didn't move or react to me walking in, but I suspected she had known I was awake almost before I did. I stared at the blonde, the glass in my hand suddenly feeling slippery.

"Skimmer?" A paralyzing fear went through me. Skimmer was in jail. She couldn't be in my kitchen. Not in my beautiful beloved kitchen. She just couldn't be.

The woman, after hearing my voice, drew in a deep breath and Ivy pulled back from her. Blood colored her lips and teeth but she made no move to wipe or lick it away. The blonde woman turned to me, still looking mildly dizzy from the bite and accompanying neurotoxins. Thankfully she looked quite different from Skimmer once I got a good look at her.

She was tanned, healthy looking with green eyes. Dressed in a more official looking business suit than Ivy's leather and halter, she gave off a professional air. Like she had just left the office. Still, it wasn't the same kind of perfectly cut attires Skimmer had worn. There was also another gigantic difference from Skimmer. This woman was a werewolf not a vampire. That was strange. A werewolf letting a vampire bite her. But I guessed it took all kinds to make the world go around.

"Did you have the dream again?" Ivy asked me as if the other woman wasn't there, totally ignoring my miscue about her being Skimmer. The stupid vampire still had blood on her teeth and I think she knew it and was using it to distract me. Or piss me off. She was also moving with that strange grace that was usually only hers when the sun was down.

"Yes," I said, feeling stupid as I held up my glass. She took it and headed over to turn the tap on. I walked around the table and desperate to hold on to something I found an oven mitt. Ivy noticed me staring at the were and turned.

"Go wait in my room," Ivy said to the blond. The woman didn't need any directions to get there and I clutched the oven mitt a little closer to my stomach, gritting my teeth. Ivy could have whoever she wanted in her room…in her bed… It wasn't any of my business.

I walked over to get the glass and noticed a see through plastic garment bag. The thing I guessed that had sounded like a grocery bag earlier. The dress inside it was nearly prettier than the one Ivy had been wearing earlier tonight. With a more formal look from it. It was green and black and I imagined the colors would go wonderful with Ivy's complexion. Not that there wasn't anything that didn't work on Ivy. Maybe pink, because I had never seen her wear it.

"Do you need Jenks tonight?" She asked casually before handing me my water as I put the oven mitt down. "I have something to take care of." That usually meant something bad. I took the glass looking over my shoulder to were the blonde woman had disappeared.

"Who is she?"

"Who?" Ivy asked, licking her lips. Finally the distracting blood was gone. Up close I could see her pupils were fully dilated. But she wasn't vamping out. It took me a moment to realize what was going on.

Ivy was high.

Once I realized that the stink of brimstone was unmistakable.

"God Ivy, the woman in your bedroom?" I put the glass down. I wasn't going to drink the water. "Or are you so high you already forgot her?"

Ivy smiled. "Relax love," she said her accent scarily like Kisten's when he did his fake British one."No need to sound so completely outraged." She stretched and glanced at me with dark eyes. "I'm not high. I'm on brimstone."

"Same difference," I argued as I put my hands on my hips. My attempts at stern were probably slightly hampered by my adorably illustrated PEACE- LOVE- CATS t-shirt.

"It was in the food, I didn't know," she said heading over to the fridge. Bullshit, I thought. She would have smelt it. "I didn't get high on purpose, Rachel. I'm past that." She looked insulted by the fact that I would think otherwise.

"Then what's her name?" I asked as Ivy pulled out the OJ carton.

"Who?"

"The woman in your room?" I glared at her as she poured her juice into a tall glass.

"Oh her," Ivy shrugged and took a long drink of her juice. "Matilda something."

"So why if you can't even remember her full name is she in your room?" I asked feeling red spots grow on my cheeks. I knew Ivy had people she shared blood with. Blood-partners, she called them. She usually never had them over when I was around. I was fairly certain she never even brought anyone to the church. But I didn't think this werewolf was one of those blood-partners. For one she wasn't a vampire.

"She wanted me," Ivy said coldly as she put the carton of juice back in the fridge. I tightened my fists.

"Everybody wants you," I said loudly as she lifted the glass to her mouth and took another generous swallow.

She shook her head. "You don't." She slowly put the juice glass down, picked up the plastic garment bag, and headed for her room and the woman waiting there.

* * *

_(July 12th)_

I sucked in a deep breath and blinked. The memory had been so intense I could have sworn I was just standing in the kitchen, not lying in Ivy's bed. I could still feel the anger and confusion. I still remembered the blood on Ivy's teeth. The thought of her sinking those teeth into another random blonde made me feel slightly dizzy. She might not merge her auras with them but I remembered the incredible feeling of her teeth in me. Knowing full well how selfish it was, I was still more than sure I never wanted her to do that with anyone other than me.

Jenks flew in through the open window and stopped abruptly over me, nearly falling out of the air. "What are you doing in Ivy's bed?"

"Sleeping?" I muttered as he buzzed around me. "Or at least I was. What's up Jenks? You need Ivy? She's in the shower."

"Tink's Titties," Jenks swore. "Are you guys together?"

"No, Ivy is in the shower," I grinned."Geesh keep up." Jenks grinned too, before a serious expression cross his face.

"You didn't let her bite you did you?"

"No, but I'm thinking of re visiting my um…standing… on the whole blood balance thing-"

"Rache," Jenks moaned. "For once in your life stick with the smart choice. Ivy might seem all cuddly but we both know-"

"That she's a monster? Jenks, you don't understand." I got up with only some mild pain from my wound and shuffled over to Ivy's closet. I wondered if the beautiful dress was still there. "You never had her bite you. You don't know how wonderful it is."

"What if she binds you? Hu? Think of that?" Jenks stopped in the air right in front of my nose. "You ever think of what that would do to her?"

I smiled. "Your concern for me is touching but I'm just going to have to trust her. I mean I do trust her," I hobbled to the left around Jenks. "I really do."

"Yeah, you're not trying to convince yourself at all," he muttered and rolled his eyes. I opened Ivy's closet. The dress hung on the inside of the doors looking even prettier than in my memory.

"I do trust her. Even if I didn't," I said while I thought about the woman from my flashback. Matilda something. "It would kill me thinking about all the people she were with. Sharing blood with-"

"I would stop,"¨Ivy's low voice from the door made me spin from the open closet."…for you. If it bothered you." She was in dark casual clothes and her hair was still wet from the shower.

"Tinks little… I better go." Jenks looked around. "Try to not kill each other while I'm gone," he muttered cheerfully. He flew towards the window then back to Ivy that was just standing in the door looking at me looking at her closet. He whispered something to her, way too low for me to hear and she nodded looking grave.

"Ivy." I took a few steps towards her. "I don't want you to stop with the blood just because of me. I mean you're a lot nicer on it. No offence," I said.

"But-" she started, but I interrupted her before she could start to argue.

"And I said I wanted to give the blood thing another tr-" now it was her turn to interrupt me.

"And you also said no one was ever going to break your skin again." She shook her head. "You forgot?"

"I changed my mind."

"Just like that? No, Rachel. I won't do it." She kept shaking her head. "I'll stop or you'll have to deal with me getting blood someplace else." She reached for a towel and begun to dry off her hair, as if the conversation was over and done with.

"Yeah, like Matilda?" I blurted out. Ivy frowned and turned to me. "I can smell her," I added sourly.

"I," Ivy said slowly and frowning deeply. Confused, like she really had no clue what I was talking about. Then she smiled. "The blonde who was here?"

I didn't say anything just zipped up my hoodie and sat down on the bed. All the loud talking and arguing was making my middle hurt.

"She wasn't a blood partner or anything really," Ivy walked over and sat next to me. "She was here to fix my dress. She's a dressmaker."

"Your dress? She was here to fix your dress?" I asked, while looking into her soft brown eyes. "But you fed off her."

"Yes because she asked me too. It wasn't…we didn't. The reason you can smell her on my bed is because she sat there. That's all she did. Sit." Ivy looked over at the place I had been sleeping and bit her lip. "Can you really smell her? I barely can."

"That's not the point," I waved the issue away. "The point is we can share blood. We proved that before, even if it didn't end so well." Or maybe that was putting it lightly - I had slammed a ley-line into her because I thought she was Kisten's killer.

"That's under stating it." She got off the bed and begun to braid her hair. "Can't this be enough? For now at least?" she asked slowly. "Why does it always have to be all or nothing with you?"

"You were the one who said it was either both sex and blood or nothing," I reminded her.

"Long ago," she found an elastic band and snapped it around her completed braid. "Isn't this enough new for you? It is for me."

"But this isn't new for you," I exclaim. This was just new to me. But I was handling the _I made out with a girl _thing pretty well. At least I thought so.

"Not the girl thing, god Rachel," she groaned. "I mean this is the first relationship I have started wanting it to last." I opened my mouth to protest, but since I really had nothing to protest with I just sat there with my mouth open. "Yeah. Skimmer, Kisten, Glen. I never thought I would make them work. I never ever planned five years ahead and thought about them there with me."

"But I thought you and Kisten-"

"We were never going to get married, no matter how much our parents wanted us too." She shook her head to emphasize it. "Even before I met you, I…I never ever could have married him. Or anyone. So this long term thing is new for me too."

"I never thought about it that way," I said suddenly feeling stupid. Ivy raised an eyebrow as if to say _"I figured you hadn't." _I scratched my nose and got off the bed and over to her closet, wanting a distraction. "What is the dress for anyways?" The green and black dress was still in its plastic garment bag. I guessed it had been taken out and altered but it still looked the same as in my memory.

"There is a formal party. Hera, Rynn's old scion is having her first public appearance as an undead. And Rynn will officially announce who has taken her place," Ivy sighted and reached out to touch the plastic bag. "This was my mother's dress at some point. Piscary gave it to her," there was enough disgust in her voice to make me almost hate the pretty dress. Just then I noticed her looking at one other dress in the closet. A white one. My stomach lurched.

"Sounds fun," I tried my best at a cheery voice as I turned us away from the closet. She just raised an eyebrow. "Okay not fun but…" I remembered her asking me to come along to the costume party. She had wanted me there. Thought it would make the evening more fun. "…I could come with you!"

"That would be a statement, bringing you would indicate-" she started.

"That we are together?" I reached out and took her hand. "Isn't that what we are?"

"Yes," she said after a second, a strange look in her eyes. "I guess we are," she wrinkled her nose and looked down at my clothes, probably cataloging everything she knew was in my closet trying to figure out if there was anything fancy enough. I already knew there wasn't. "But I don't think you have an appropriate dress for this event."

"I guess we're going shopping then," I said and squinted up at her.

A sly grin spread across her face. "I guess we are."

* * *

Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'm sad to say I'm considering putting this one on hold to write another fic I can't get out of my head. We'll see…


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N**: This chapter is a fluffy filler and well no flashback because I'm running out of them :P it's also slightly shorter than the two previous chapters.

Hope you all will enjoy the shopping trip!

Thanks to **Ibskib** for beta reading!

**Listening to**: Avatar Soundtrack

* * *

**Eleven**

_- Simple rules apply. If it walks, talks and acts like a werewolf - It's most likely a werewolf-_

_(July 12th)  
_

"What about this one?" I asked and held up a red number. Most of the fabric was half see-through but it had lots of pretty stones.

"Yeah sure," Ivy said dryly. "If you were going to a bachelor party, as the girl coming out of the cake."

"Really? I think it's kind of classy." I looked over the dress. It wasn't that slutty. Ivy was blowing things way out of proportions, it was a nice dress. I glanced at the price tag, not that out of my price range. This was the first shop where I had found stuff that didn't cost more than all of last year's rent, but that was mostly my own fault because I had let Ivy pick the district we were shopping in.

"That's the precise reason we are on this little trip. You have a totally warped sense of style." I guess my face fell because she added. "Not that I don't appreciate the wide assortment of colors, patterns and materials in your wardrobe, I just doubt Rynn would like the red and blue leopard print spandex dress I know you have hidden away."

"Fine," I muttered and hung the dress back. "But it doesn't have leopard print on it. Its zebra striped."

"Yeah," Ivy said raising an eyebrow as if to tell me that was just as bad. Maybe it was…but I hadn't been planning on wearing it to a black tie event when I bought it. "Come on, this isn't the right kind of store."

I followed her out still a little bummed about the red dress, but all the brimstone I had let Ivy pump me full of made me feel jittery. That was saying something about the amount of Brimstone I had consumed, since Ivy claimed Medical Grade Brimstone couldn't get you high.

Maybe the brimstone also was the reason I was feeling paranoid. I had felt watched ever since we left the church and as soon as we got out on the street, the skin on the back off my neck prickled again. Swallowing I couldn't help but to look around. No one was watching me. At least no one I could see…

The store across the street Ivy wanted to check out next smelt of vampires and besides clothes it had a ridiculous amount of crystals lying around. There was also flute music playing.

Ivy was quickly attacked by a sales lady and soon the middle aged blonde was crooning to my vampire about how fabulous any of the dresses would look on her. The blonde seemed only slightly bummed out when Ivy told her the dress was for me. There was an annoying cheerfulness about her. Maybe that was because her name was Molly; at least that was what her name tag said. In my whole life I have never met a Molly who wasn't sickeningly upbeat.

"Well then dearie," Molly looked me up and down. "We should go over here. It's the section for girls with slimmer frames." _Geesh, thanks,_ but at least she didn't say the section for girls with tiny boobs.

"We need something for a formal event," Ivy said as she saw me glance at a short bright purple gown with feathers. I guessed it wasn't what she had in mind.

"Of course you do," Molly said and stopped us in front of a section we had walked right past as we entered the store. "I'll be back and check on you in a moment."

"This one is nice," Ivy said thoughtfully as she held out a white lacy thing. I was glad Molly had left us to our own business because I thought the dress looked like it was from another era and made a face.

Reaching forward, I too began looking through the dresses. There seemed to be no real order in which they had been hung. Not by color and not by style. Not even by size because all the dresses in this section seemed to have been made for people with bodies like mine. I tugged out a long silky black dress. This could work.

"Holy shit Ivy." I grabbed her hand tugging her to me. "This dress is 1400 dollars."

"Don't look at the price tag," Ivy moved my hand away from the handwritten number. "Look at the dress." I did my best to do just that but I wasn't paying 1400 dollars for a dress. No way.

"Ivy, you know I can't afford this, right?" I told her in a whisper.

"You should try it on," she said, totally ignoring my horror at the fact that even if I maxed out all my credit cards I wouldn't be able to afford this dress. "Rachel if it's a matter of money…"

"I'm not going to let you pay for it. And you can't lend me the money either, because I'll never have enough to pay you back," I grumbled and hung the dress back up.

"Here," she said sourly and handed me a brown dress with green stripes. It was almost pretty, in an ugly way."That one is just 200 dollars." She crossed her arms over her chest. It took me a second to realize she was offended, that I wouldn't let her pay for my dress.

"But it's kind of revolting, don't you think?" I quickly looked away from her. I wasn't going to let her pay for my dress. I was okay with a lot of things but her buying me ridiculously expensive things was not one of them. Money stuff tended to fuck up relationships. At least I heard someone say that. I usually managed to fuck them up anyway.

"I don't know," she said, uncrossing her arms. "I think maybe you could pull it off. Dirt brown is such a good color on you." The sarcasm she managed to add to those few words was impressive.

"Ha,ha. Very funny." I grabbed the dress from her and headed over to the counter and Molly.

"Excuse me but do you have any other dresses in this price range?" I asked holding up the 220 dollar dress and its tag to her.

"Shopping on a budget today?" Molly asked her tone conspiratorial. I would hardly call 200 dollars budget but compared to the rest of the stuff in her store I guess it was.

"Yes," I said while Ivy looked pained. Maybe she hadn't ever asked for the cheapest thing in a store before. Or maybe it was because I was fairly certain the clerk had realized who we were. At least who Ivy was, if the suddenly overly interested looks she was giving Ivy was any indication.

"I actually have a dress that was returned after being altered," Molly held up a finger to her temple. "Grayish blue, I think it would work on you. The girl who wanted it wasn't very chesty either. I'll give it to you for half the original price."

"What's the original price?" I asked, trying to keep the strain out of my voice.

"Don't worry, it will be less than that one," she whispered still sounding conspiratorial. "Come along, you'll have to try it on. I'm not going to sell you something that won't fit, when I won't have time to modify it. You are cutting your shopping a little close aren't you?"

"How.?"

"-did I know you were going to Rynn's dinner? Aren't everyone?" she laughed before she disappeared through the back door of the shop into a dark large area filled with dresses and if I wasn't mistaken even more crystals. She came back out with a dark garment bag.

"Most of my best dresses were gone weeks ago, just after the invites went out. Now come along," she waved us to the dressing rooms in the back while she kept talking."Terribly exciting isn't it? Tell me Ms. Tamwood, is it you? It's been such speculations on who will be Rynn's new-"

"No comment," Ivy said looking at the little dressing room and the flimsy curtain with interest. I suppressed a chuckle and mimed no comment? Behind Molly's back. Ivy could have just given the poor woman a little gossip. It wasn't like it was a secret, Ivy wasn't going to be Rynn's scion. At least I didn't think it was. "Could you give us some privacy?" Ivy asked sharply.

That looked like the last thing Molly wanted to do. She looked like she wanted to question Ivy on every juicy detail she might have about this upcoming affair. I hadn't known it was such a big thing but clearly it was. After another second Molly's face fell and she handed me the garment bag and went back to the front of the store.

"Exactly how many people are going to be at this…dinner?" I asked as I closed the curtain and zipped open the bag. The dress was pretty but plain. Overly simple, unlike most the dresses I owned, and without anything interesting about it. The bodice was a knot-like thing that I imagined would either look totally stupid or really pretty.

"About five hundred give or take," Ivy said from behind the thin curtain. I felt my stomach do a little surprised flop. That many? Were all of them vamps? Just the thought of that many vamps all simultaneously sending out pheromones made my knees weak and my middle warm.

"Why all the fuss?" I asked, slipping out of my sweater trying to ignore the sudden worry, and the pain taking my top off had caused my wound. "I mean when you…Piscary never did all of this, did he?"

"No," Ivy sounded thoughtful. "I guess Rynn is use to doing things in a big way," Ivy's voice was slightly darker than before.

"Yeah. Okay." I zipped open the dress. I frowned. It probably had two skirt parts to get tangled in, so stepping into it would be easier.

"Is it wrong that this is turning me on?" Ivy suddenly whispered right outside the flimsy fabric and I felt myself turn bright red. Perhaps sensing my surprise she added. "Don't worry. I know better than to make out with people in dressing rooms. Me and Kisten actually broke one once," she said stepping back from the curtain.

"How the heck did you break one?" I asked, before I could stop myself. "Wait, don't tell me."

"We were doing a whole lot more than kissing, that's how," she said while I zipped up the dress.

"God Ivy, that's just wrong," I mumbled while I wondered just what that would be like. If Ivy was in this little room with me, only the curtain separating us from everyone else, her mouth on mine and her hands…

"But it felt oh so good," she whispered. I swallowed and pushed the curtain and images of her to the side to show her the dress.

"What you think?" I asked swishing the skirt of the dress a little.

"For that price you won't find a better dress," she told me as she leaned back against the wall.

"I'm not sure." I looked in the mirror next to the dressing room. "Doesn't the knot look kind of weird? And the color is sooo boring."

"Buy the dress Rachel," she said sounding exasperated.

"That'll be 180 dollars," Molly said with a smile. I wanted to do everything but smile as I pulled out my credit card. She took it and ran it through the machine.

"This card only has," she looked closer at the screen. "86 dollars and five cents on it."

"Could you use those 86 dollars and charge the rest on this card?" I asked. I could see that Ivy was itching to pull out her own wallet as the second card I offered only took eleven dollars off the price. "Let's try this one." I smiled and handed over the third piece of plastic.

"There you go dearie," the blonde smiled, relieved, as the third card took care of the remaining 83 dollars and handed me my three cards and receipt before folding the dress for me.

* * *

"Be thankful she didn't charge you for the bag," Ivy whispered as we left the shop. I looked at the exclusive white paper bag my new dress now was in. "I bet they normally charge you two bucks for them."

"You think?" I asked frowning up at her.

"Maybe even five," she said with mock seriousness. "I really wish you would have let me pay," she added after a second. "You wouldn't have needed to buy it if it wasn't for me, so it would only be fair if I paid for it."

"That only makes sense to you, besides, I invited myself." I took her hand and squeezed it. The uneasy feeling of being watched completely disappeared as we walked past a frozen yogurt and ice cream shop. My mouth watered and the sweltering sun was suddenly much too hot.

"No candy or sugar, Rachel. If you're hungry I brought rice crackers," Ivy's words stopped me right in my tracks.

"Please can we have ice cream Ivy!" I begged, feeling like a child. I was so over this not eating anything good. I was taking my hospital chocolates back too. Ivy brushed her hair back, trying to look stern. "Ivyyy," I whined.

"We'll get frozen yogurt," she muttered. "After we buy shoes."

"I already have shoes," I argued as I looked longingly at the people coming out with their colorful paper cups and spoons.

"Please," Ivy said with a snicker. "I know the shoes you're thinking of, but they're a size too big. You'll look ridiculous."

"They were on sale," I defended myself. "If I wear socks in them, they're perfect."

"Well you're not going to be wearing socks, now are you?" She took my bag and headed off down the street. "I know a good shoe shop. They got bags too."

"They better not be expensive," I called after her.

"Don't worry. I got you covered."

"I'm not going to let you pay for anything," I told her firmly as I caught up with her.

"We'll see," was her only response. After we found shoes my head started to hurt and the itching feeling of being watched came back. All things that made me glad that Mica's Shoes and Accessories was close to the parking lot.

"I promised you yogurt," Ivy said as we left the shop. "You still want it?" I had to stop to think about it. The car was so close, but a cold treat still sounded very tempting.

It was while I was licking my lips, considering if it was worth walking the whole way back to the ice cream shop, I first heard the scream. Both Ivy and I turned to see what it was all about.

A fully changed werewolf was racing down the street, in broad day light, heading straight for us.

* * *

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** Sorry for not updating in a while. This chapter was hard and kind of boring to write. I feel like I'm getting out of character and off topic. Alos don't like the ending. Plus I've been doing July Flash Fiction month over at deviantart (if you want to check me out my user name there is JenniferKart) Also I went back and dated the flashbacks. I hope that will make it all make more sense.

On a side note; I got a job. A part time job waitressing on game nights (which means serving beer to drunken men who want to grope me for minimum wage) and I'm waiting to hear back from a telemarketing thing I interviewed for. The joys of no job experience or real college!

**Listening to:** Face Down by The Red Jump Suite Asparagus

* * *

**Twelve**

_–Were knowledge all, what were our need, to thrill and faint and sweetly bleed?-_

_(July 12th)_

_All things in life is fleeting, _I solemnly thought. One second you're out shopping - the next second you're being attacked by a raving werewolf – in the middle of the day. Don't you just hate when that happens?

You know what makes it even worse?

Having a flashback right in the middle of it.

* * *

_(June 30th)_

I stomped into the rather dull looking office building, I was here to see the Eastern Cincinnati Pack Alpha about a Were named _Gordon Goliath_. That name would normally have made me feel a little bad for him. If he hadn't tried to rape a young girl.

The sun was painfully hot and the AC in my car had not been working properly all week. I was burning up and my shirt was sticking to my back. I hated the heat, I hated my car and I hated Ivy for not making coffee and leaving the church before I even woke up. I had even yelled at Jenks for no real reason making him glare at me before buzzing off.

"I'm here to see a…" I looked down at the Were registration catalog David had been kind enough to lend me, so I could find out who Goliath's Alpha was. "…a Josh Madison," I told the middle aged receptionist, while slamming my bag down on the receptionist counter. Her lips became a thin white line.

"Mr. Madison is not-"

"Look," I said and leaned forward. "I'm here to see him about Gordon Goliath. You see, he's been a bad, bad wolf."

"You're here about Gordon?" Her face softened a little, not at the thought of Gordon Goliath but with sympathy for me. "What did he do this time?" she asked.

"He attacked a girl. Now are you going to let me in or not?" I picked my bag off the counter, hoping I looked fierce. Or at least professional enough for her to let me in.

"I'll see if he's available," she said and picked up the phone."Please have some coffee or a fruit while you wait." She pointed to a fruit basket and a coffee machine. I smiled. Free coffee? That almost made the trip here worth it.

"Good day, Ms…?" the well above middle-aged Were said, as I walked into a large but very plain corner office.

"Ms. Rachel Morgan," I said, reaching to shake the hand the Were offered me.

"Josh Madison. Please, have a seat," he said nodding towards a chair across from his desk. I'd rather have stayed on my feet but he sat down and I felt obliged to do the same. He smiled friendly." What do you think? Did the weather get a fever?"

"I'm here about a wolf of yours; _Gordon Goliath,_" I said, not amused. The weather was not what I was here to talk about. Josh Madison looked more like an undertaker than an administrator of a security consultant firm, in his formal suit, graying hair and angular face. But I guessed he was attractive enough. For an old guy.

"Oh yes," he said clasping his hands on the table. "There was another incident?"

"Yes." I paused. "You could say that…" I trailed off. Josh Madison looked expectantly at me while I tried to think over just what I wanted to say.

"Well spit it out then," he said suddenly. His voice was louder than I had expected and I jumped.

"He attacked a girl; her brother came after Mr. Goliath." I raised an eyebrow. "You then red-lighted him."

"Oh yes," Josh smiled. His blue eyes twinkled."I had no choice. A human came after one of my wolves for no apparent reason. He had to be taught a lesson. That was all I was intending."

"I don't think Goliath has the same idea. With you red-lighting him, my…client ending up dead wouldn't be that big of a deal, right?" I said. Madison looked troubled.

"We are not savages Ms. Morgan. Aren't you yourself part of a pack?"

"Yes but-"

"It is not my policy to turn my back on any of my wolves," Madison said with a deep voice as he stood up.

"But-" I tried again but he interrupted me once more.

"Even one as troubled as Mr. Goliath," Madison said with a grim look on his face. "I have however had a lot of problems with him. You say he attacked a girl?"

"Yes and she's a minor." I felt it was important to get that out there, but had no idea how much it would help my case.

"I can't say it comes as a big surprise." Madison sighed and sat back down. "I will have a talk with Mr. Goliath's. Tell him that he is no longer welcome in my pack. The brother of this girl will be left alone."

"Thank you," I said. "Sorry to have taken up your time. I'll leave you to your work." I was surprised it had been so easy but was glad. I grabbed my bag, stood and headed for the door.

"But Ms. Morgan," he said. I turned to look at him. "Goliath is a strange wolf. It might be best he did not find this boy. Or realized you were involved."

I nodded. I had no plans of telling the crazy wolf named Goliath that I was the reason he now was without a pack. I did however plan on going home and making myself another wolf potion. It might be demon magic but while I was playing with wolves it would be a good thing to have around.

* * *

"You sure you're doing it right?" Jenks said, landing on my shoulder and grabbing hold of my earring.

"Yes I'm sure," I muttered. He was being snarky and was still pissed off at me for yelling at him earlier. "Ciri isn't the only one who can make a spell." I looked closer at the instructions for the curse I was making. It wasn't the same as the one Ciri had done a year ago. I couldn't find the book with that curse but this one was similar only not specific to me. No need to cut any of my own hair off, which was nice.

"If you say so," Jenks quipped.

"Did you get the hair?" I asked stirring the curse counter clockwise. Jenks nodded.

"From the old guy with all the creepy stuffed and mounted animals, three streets over. It wasn't easy," Jenks said. I managed not to roll my eyes at him. Like sneaking into steal a hair was a big feat.

"Drop it in."

He did and the liquid inside the spell pot turned a bright silver. _That was new. _I pricked my fingers and dropped three drops of blood into the pot.

"That stinks," Jenks cried just as the smell hit my nose. It was worse than the Ever After. Worse than trash after a week. Worse than anything else I had ever smelled. I prayed it wouldn't taste as bad.

The smell thankfully went away as the curse cooled down and when I bottled it, the stink had completely faded. I contemplated drinking the curse right then, but decided against it. The smell was still too fresh in my mind. And what was the chance of something going wrong. The run had been simple.

I put the bottle in my bag.

* * *

_(July 12th)_

"Rachel," Ivy called, glancing back at me as I fell. I didn't realize what was happening until my butt hit the asphalt. No more than a few seconds had passed while I had my flashback because the werewolf was still a few feet away, snarling as it prepared to launch.

Perhaps because I had suddenly become a smaller target by sitting down or because Ivy moved forward and then to the side quickly, the Were followed her. I reached for my bag, but quickly remembered I didn't have my splat gun with me. I didn't have the were-ing potion either. Wrong bag. I swore.

I grabbed the shopping bag next to me as I got to my feet. "Ivy watch out." The Were twisted towards Ivy and she jumped back, managing to avoid the werewolf's claws and teeth, but not the metal and glass tables of a outdoor restaurant we were next to. The crash landing she managed must have been quite painful and I guessed there was at least one broken glass table.

"Hey," I cried, pulling out one of the shoes from the shopping bag, throwing it at the werewolf. "You big stupid-" I stopped yelling when the werewolf turned from Ivy to me. It growled, it's eyes narrowing. At least it wasn't eating my shoe. "Yeah you heard me."

I was almost too busy with the approaching werewolf to notice Ivy wasn't moving. That sent a whole new wave of terror through me. Why wasn't she moving? I threw the other shoe at the werewolf just as it jumped for me.

"Rhombus," I yelled.

The Were hit the solid wall of ley line energy and slumped back, clearly dazed. I heard sirens and the wolf clearly did to. It turned to Ivy. She was to my relief, sitting up.

"You better run," I told the wolf as the siren's got even closer. "If you try for her they'll catch you." I prayed the wolf cared about that, because right then I had no desire at all to leave my safe bubble. But if the Were decided to attack Ivy, the beast was going down. Even if I had to throw raw ley line energy at it.

The wolf shook its head, apparently still confused from hitting my ley line bubble. The sirens were now so close the car's they belonged to had to be in the parking lot. I swallowed.

The wolf growled, turned and ran.

I took a shaky breath and found myself back on my ass on the asphalt. The adrenalin high had left me faster than the werewolf had run. The wound on my stomach burned. I felt nauseous and Ivy seemed to ripple as she walked over to me. I let go of the ley line as I.S. officers came running, following the shouts and the path of the werewolf, ignoring both me and Ivy.

"Are you alright?" Ivy asked kneeling by me, her voice nothing but a low murmur.

"Yes. I fell because I had a flashback," as soon as I spoke, Ivy's whole body tensed and her face paled. I noticed a small trail of blood on her face.

"What did you-" She stopped herself. "Are we…are we alright?" She looked away from me. I reached out to touch the small cut on her forehead.

"We are." I wondered just what she was so afraid of me remembering. Her killing someone might be bad but she had done it to save me. I forced a smiled."You look like you might need stitches though."

Ivy moved my hand away."It's nothing. I was slow and stupid. Can you get up?" She stood and offered me her hands. I took them and started to get up.

"Yeah. I'm good." But my ass hitting the ground for the third time, made it clear I wasn't as alright as I thought."Maybe I'll just sit for a while. Could you find my shoes?"

* * *

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N**: This story has totally spun out of control. It started as a one-shot in my head. That warped into a five chapter one and now I'm thinking it's going to be twenty chapters in total. And lots of stuff still doesn't make sense with the ending I got planned (but now it's kind of happy). But that's fan fiction for you. Hopefully most of your questions will be answered!

This is sort of part 1 of chapter 13 which is why it might feel like nothing happens! And yes I have a thing for kitten pictures so Rachel does too! *urg* and why do I keep wanting to call Takata Randal instead of Donald! It's the universe conspiring against me!

Also this fic is not being put on hold but there will probably be a few weeks until the next update because I'm doing NaNoWrMo "camp" and school + work is starting soon! If I get bored with my WIP novel; ART OF STOP! (Which I think some of you people might like. It has a witch, a vampire, a bunch of werewolves, little bit in-love-denial on the main character's part and an evil conspiracy!) DreamScape will be the first project I try to work on!

**Listening to:** 21 Guns by Green Day

* * *

**Thirteen**

_-__ P__aradise is not a place which we go after we die. It's a place we create as we live. –_

_July 12th_

"Ouch," I said while dabbing at the cut on Ivy's forehead. By all right she should be the one complaining. But she was not even looking discomforted. So I was making pained sounds for her. "It might not need stitches but it looks kind of nasty. At least it's not bleeding anymore."

"Please Rachel. I've had worse scratches than this and all you did was frown at me."

"I never frowned at you. Well, I did sometimes. But that's not the point," I trailed off and stopped fussing with her wound. It was about as clean as it was going to get and we were out of band-aids. That seemed strange because Ivy was always stocking up on things she called "useful." I swear there could be a siege and we'd have enough toothpaste and pickles to last us a year.

Ivy got up from the chair and headed over to the kitchen window. She closed it, looking at the dark clouds that had started moving in as we left the scene of the werewolf attack. Ivy had thought it best if we didn't get involved and the I.S. officers had disappeared in pursuit of the werewolf not giving Ivy or me a second glance. Even though I had wanted to see if they caught the Were, I had figured it was best if Ivy stayed clear of police stuff for a while. After all she _had_ killed someone.

"You want dinner?" I asked, suddenly desperate for something to do. I wasn't sure why. Maybe because we were alone in the church and I had so much I wanted to say, only I couldn't ask the questions I wanted to.

I wanted to ask her about Gordon Goliath, if he was the wolf she had killed. I wanted to ask her to bite me, but when I had brought that up this morning she had totally shut down. It was strange, because I had thought being _with_ Ivy would mean sharing more thoughts and worries than… not being with her. Now I was too concerned I would say something that would freak her out and hurt her.

"Not really hungry," Ivy said and stared out the window. She didn't turn back to look at me, as if she knew I was itching to talk to her about something, but was still working up the courage to do so.

"Tell me about something happy," I blurted out. "I mean tell me about a happy memory."

"What?" she asked turning to me. She looked genuinely confused. "Why?"

"Does there have to be a reason?" I asked getting up and closing the first aid kit. I looked back at her."Can't I just ask because I want to know?"

Ivy put a hand to her head. I thought because her head must be throbbing, or maybe digging through her memories was causing the pain. My stomach tightened as I thought about the memory in my dream. Little Ivy in the beautiful but still so horrible white dress…

"Okay," she said slowly. "There was this one Christmas. Erica was just a baby; I was about thirteen. My dad got this really big tree. I mean it was huge." She smiled at the memory and I leaned back against the table to watch her.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. It went all the way to the ceiling." I nodded, able to appreciate just how big the tree would have had to be because I had been to Ivy's parent's house. The ceiling was like 20 feet."So we spent half the day decorating it then…" she surprised me by smiling wider. Even her eyes crinkled with this smile. They shone in a way I had never seen before.

"What?" I asked walking over to her, now _having_ to know the end to this story. She looked away, small red spots on her cheeks. "Come on," I took her hands,"tell me."

"Well when my dad was getting the star up he somehow managed to flip the tree over." She shook her head. "I don't know how. But it was way too big for us to do anything about. Or maybe we could have, but my dad said it was fine like that. We'd just have a horizontal tree instead." She looked down at our entwined hands. "That was a great Christmas."

"Is that your happiest memory?"

"Yes. I guess. Kind of lame," she said with a little shrug. I could tell she wasn't telling the whole truth. She tilted her head up a little and pulled her hands away from mine. "Your mother's car just stopped outside."

That was one way to change the topic.

"How…" I wondered just how she knew what my mom's car sounded like but I supposed they had been spending some time together while I was in the hospital.

There was a knock on the door.

"You better get that," she said and turned to open the fridge. I guessed she was hungry after all. I trotted down the hall and into the sanctuary. The pixies squealed, making my eyeballs hurt.

"Hey," I called up to them. "It's going to start raining soon. You should go out to the stump." There were more shrill noises, and I shook my head before opening the door.

"Rachel," my mother said cheerfully before hugging me. She thankfully pulled away quickly and I didn't have to feel too awkward. Takata was standing a little bit off looking like he really didn't belong in his purple suit. "You look better. Do you feel better? Is there anything you need? Donald and I were just leaving for the airport but we could stay if you need us." She reached forward and put her hand on my forehead. "Are you taking your meds? Do you feel sick at all?"

"I'm fine mom," I said pulling away from her hand. I was feeling surprisingly good considering the day's events. "You should go I'm good I just…I..." I looked towards the corridor. Ivy hadn't come to say hi to my mom. It wasn't like they were bestis or anything but I had maybe wanted to…what? Introduce Ivy as my girlfriend? I wasn't sure we were ready for that.

"You sure sweetheart? Our plane leaves in three hours but we could-"

"Actually," Takata…or um…Donald interrupted, perhaps sensing I was so not in chatty-mom-mode. "It would be better if we left now. It takes some time to check in and find-"

"You're right," my mom said turning to him. Changing her mind she turned back around and hugged me again. "You stay safe, you hear me!?"

"Yeah I hear you mom." I patted her shoulder before letting go of her. She took one step down.

"Oh, I nearly forgot." She spun around again. "Here is your bag." She handed me the bag I had been using the day of the attack. I took it, surprised. I figured it would have been covered in blood or something. It looked just like I remembered from my flashback, not one stain or rip in it. Except for the mustard stain that had been there since last new year's eve.

"Thanks," I said uncertainly looking into the bag, half expecting blood inside it instead.

"Feel better Rachel," Takata said as he took my mother's hand. "Try not to get shot again. Or anything else too horrible." He smiled over his shoulder but there was real concern in his eyes, which I guess was nice.

"I'll do my best," I called after him as they walked over to my mom's car. I hoped they would make it to the airport before the rain, and possible storm, the clouds above us clearly promised. That I had been complaining about the sun a few hours ago was hard to believe. A gust of wind threaded to topple the cherry three our neighbor had planted last month and I wished I was wearing something more substantial than a tank top.

Takata and my mom drove off and I went back inside walking back towards the corridor. Ivy was heading over to meet me, a small bag of chips in her hand.

"Hey." I said softly, stopping her right outside her room."Why didn't you come talk to my mom?"

"I wasn't sure you wanted me to," she said with a shrug and ducked into her bed room. I knew following an eating vampire who was trying to leave wasn't the smartest thing to do. Still I put the bag my mom had just given me down and followed her.

"I just thought-"I said as Ivy sat on her bed, slowly pulling a chip out and putting it in her mouth.

"What about you?" Ivy interrupted me and raised an eyebrow. "Happy memory?"

I paused for a moment, unsure why she was changing the subject. Her face was blank. She tilted her head and chewed the chip slowly, giving nothing of her mode away. Hesitantly I sat down next to her on the bed. There was something fragile about her. Her loneliness, her sadness that had seemed temporarily banished as we went shopping, was back. I decided to let it go and answer her question.

"I don't have any really happy childhood memories." I had been too busy being poked with needles and watching my friends die."None about Christmas or trees at least," I said with a little smile. Living with Ivy had brought me lots of new things, one of them being Christmas trees. Vampires might be supernatural baddies but they still believed in Santa.

"What about grown-up memories?" she asked as I stole a chip from her bag. She raised an eyebrow and her pupils widened. While I normally loved Ivy's beautiful brown eyes the way they were, her widening pupil sent shivers all over me. And not in a bad way.

I raised my eyebrows."That sounds suspiciously kinky, Ivy." Ivy shook her head at me but smiled as she laid back on the bed. "How about now?" I moved so I was next to her head. "Now is a pretty nice memory."

"Really? That's the best you got." Ivy snorted.

"Fine." I took the chip bag from her. "I think…" I laid down too, our heads and bodies inches apart. "The first time our auroras merged, maybe?" She tensed. That had been a pretty fantastic memory. Her teeth sinking into me, our bodies so close and our auras becoming one. Amazing and fantastic barely covered it. Until she lost control and nearly killed me. "Or maybe when Kisten took me to lunch once and it started raining so we ate in the Corvette. And the first winter solstice we spent here. I guess it's hard to pick just one."

"Not for me," she said. "I have one that…that changed me. A memory that even when I think about it now it makes me happy. But I wasn't sure if I should tell you. It's even more stupid than a horizontal Christmas tree."

"That wasn't stupid."

"I never told anyone about the tree, you know." She turned to look at me at last her dark eyes full of an emotion I couldn't quite place. "It seemed stupid to find something so silly, marvelous." She paused. "The best memory I have, the one I used to focus on when things got bad…I doubt you'll remember." She looked away shyly.

"It was a while after we moved here. I don't know exactly when. You were spelling; you had been for most of the day. Sleeping potions. No, wait it was some new spell you were trying out. I was at my computer. You and Jenks were cheerful, and he kept making you laugh. I had spent the day just watching, amazed you were even letting me just witness the moment. The happiness."

Her words made me feel sad rather than any emotion close to happiness. I couldn't even remember the day because there were quite a few days like that. Still it was always a big concern for me. Ivy didn't take part in mine and Jenks' easy ways and smiles. She was so burdened by her past and her future as an undead. To say it bothered me was putting it lightly.

I wanted to tell her I was sorry she felt like an outsider, that I didn't know how to make her happy. Or how to include her. It was hard not to understand her, she was like this onion but no matter how many layers I peeled away I could never quite figure her out. And I was sorry for that. But before I could say any of it she continued.

"Then after you were done spelling, you were all sweaty and your hair was a mess, you looked at me like it was the first time you realized I was in the room." To my surprise a tear suddenly rolled down Ivy's cheek. She wiped it away quickly as if hoping I wouldn't see it. I took her hand, wanting to make it better but not sure how.

"And you pulled up a chair, so close to me I could smell everything on you. You must have known. Or you didn't and just... You just didn't seem to care that I was so close. You weren't scared at all." She reached out to touch my face but stopped before her fingers could reach my cheeks, pulling away." "You hijacked my computer, Jenks landed on the table."

"And I pulled up this website with cat pictures," I said, suddenly realizing what day she was talking about. I had felt silly, trying to get her to cheer up a little by showing her some stupid pictures. "Jenks started laughing at it. So hard he fell over." I remembered waiting for her to laugh or do something. I wasn't sure back then where we stood in our fragile roommate situation. I had just wanted to make her day better.

Ivy nodded."And you turned to me, with this little smile, like you were waiting for me to agree it was funny before laughing yourself." She wiped another tear away. "I don't know why I'm crying. Maybe I have brain damage."

"It's okay," I whispered and wiped another tear from her face.

"It's stupid. I just…that was the first time I felt truly included. Like I was a part of something good and simple. And untainted." She sniffed and shook her head.

"That's funny. When I look at your aura and then mine…you're the pure one." I turned onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. "When they merged…I almost felt like I was the one getting you dirty."

"A person's aura doesn't tell everything," she said softly and sat up, her legs dangling over the edge of the bed. "But the past…I'm not letting it define me anymore."

"What is it?" I asked as she got off the bed and walked slowly over to the window pulling the curtains back.

"It finally started raining."

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Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N**: Just thinking about how messed up some characters are – I mean some of mine are pretty down. I'm the poster girl for suicidal amnesia serial killers, half demons kept for centuries as prisoners without their hearts(don't ask) and angsty teenagers destined to end the world - characters, but of all the characters out there I think Ivy is the one in most need of a good shrink.

I mean she found a dead body behind a couch with Kisten at Piscary's when she was like eight (mentioned in one of Kim Harrison's short stories), slept with Piscary when she was fourteen (also mentioned in the short story if I remember correctly), her mom "died" when she was sixteen, Piscary fucking her up with the blood/sex thing and then she falls in love with Rachel (which if you think about it really has made her even more in need of that shrink.) Only Lucy in elfen lied is worse :P

Sorry for taking so long to update. This starts of right after the last chapter so maybe go back an re-read it since it was a while and you might get confused starting in the middle of it! Just a thought!

**Listening to:** Breath of Life by Florence and the Machine

**Beta**: Whitegrowsthelily on deviantART

**My blog**: The Musing Pony (link on profile or just google it)

* * *

**Fourteen**

_-Love isn't rational. It's passion and fire. It consumes you. -_

* * *

_June 30th_

"They said it was going to rain," Jenks muttered as he flew around me. "Have you seen any rain? Tink's backdoor; the garden is going to turn into a desert if we don't get that fairy-loving rain soon."

"Geesh take a chill pill Jenks," I said but smiled. He was back to talking to me, which was nice. Ivy suddenly walked into the living room, looking sullen. That was, however, the only thing close to normal about her.

"What are you wearing?" I asked, eyeing her outfit with a lot more than professional interest.

The website hadn't been over-stating it when they said everyone would be going "grrr." The sexy-kitten costume Ivy had ordered online a while back was little more than a leopard print corset with something that put my miniskirts to shame. And while the girl on the website had looked good in it, Ivy looked like sex on wheels. Only with cute fake ears.

I shifted uncomfortably on the couch, looking away from her long legs.

"Jenks?" Ivy said, ignoring my comment. I guessed she was still pissed at me for yelling at her about the hotel room incident. "You coming?" she asked the pixie.

"Stay out of trouble," Jenks ordered me. He made it sound as if me having a nice quite night at home meant life-threatening events were bound to occur. For once, I was just going to chill out, pop popcorn, and watch a movie. Something with lots of guns. Or maybe Godzilla. I looked away from Ivy's legs again, not sure when I had turned my gaze back to them. I swallowed. No movies with hot Asian chicks in them, though. That was for sure.

"Haha," I said dryly. Jenks mock saluted me and flew over to Ivy. I could tell he had made a rude comment about her outfit because…well, that was just Jenks. Ivy did her best to wave the irritating little guy out of her face.

They left and I was alone in the church.

* * *

_July 12__th_

Ivy still stood at the window looking out at the rain, so I guessed this flashback hadn't made me space out for more than a few seconds. With a little smile I walked over to her closet. I wondered if I could make her wear that kitty outfit…

"Rachel?" Ivy asked sliding up next to me as I opened her closet. I flipped through the silky and expensive fabrics of dresses and sweaters. Ivy grabbed my wrist, stilling my searching hands. "Are you looking for something specific?"

"The kitten outfit? The one you wore-" My mouth went dry. I realized it then. That had been the day…that night was the night I was attacked. Ivy let go of me and backed away. "I'm sorry. I didn't think," I added hastily. I had lost a lot of blood after being shot. Her sexy kitten outfit had probably been covered with it.

"It's not your fault," she said, voice shaking. She swallowed, her fists closing, nails probably digging painfully into her palms. Ivy didn't seem to notice it. She was staring off into a memory, one more painful than any physical injury.

My attention returned to her closet. I resumed my searches half-heartedly, more out of something to do than any curiosity. Ivy clearly needed a moment.

"Yeah but…it freaked you out. This whole thing," I said, after a few moments. I glanced at her. She raised an eyebrow, a humorless smile on her face. "I mean this has been harder for you than me, I think. Wait," I said, stopping at a black nightgown I recognized. "Isn't this the nightgown I wore…our first night here?"

Ivy blushed. An actual real, _visible_ blush. Only she, unlike me, somehow managed to make it look attractive.

"I, um. Yes." She reached forward to try to push the hanger it was on to the side but I held on. Her embarrassment made me suspicious.

"You have, you know, washed it. _Right_?"

Her silence told me she hadn't.

"It can't smell that much like me anymore, though,?" I muttered, more to myself than Ivy. I pulled the hanger out, unable to stop myself. Ivy shrugged and let go of it. Tugging the nightgown to my nose I sniffed it. It only smelled faintly of vampire. Of Ivy. Maybe that was from the other clothes it had been hanging near.

"You keep it to torture yourself with?" I asked, meaning it to be a joke. But Ivy paled, and I wondered if she actually had. I mean, kept it to punish herself for losing control. It broke my heart thinking it might be so.

"No," she said shakily, taking the dress. "I just couldn't bring myself to wash it. Or throw it away." She touched the fabric reverently. I took a relieved breath.

An idea began to form in my mind, and I smiled.

"Put it on," at my words, Ivy stopped touching the dress, cautiously and slightly disbelieving looked at me. "Come on," I encouraged "It's not like it smells like me."_Yet_ .Not sure what had gotten into me I reached forward and tugged at the hem of her top. Her hand stopped me before I even caught a glimpse of her belly button ring.

"Rachel," her tone was firm but strangely lulling, "you're still hurt. We've waited-"

"Yes. We have waited a long time."

"And I don't want it to go too far, too fast," she said calmly.

"You're still waiting for me to decide I made a mistake?"

"If we do this we can't go back to just being friends." Her grip on my arm tightened a little.

"God Ivy. When where we ever friends?" The stricken look on her face made me add, "I mean…Ivy I did not wake up yesterday morning suddenly realizing you were hot." She smirked, her fears soothed, and I continued. "Touching you? It's been a terrifying dream of mine since, well since I first met you. I was just weirded out by it. Or maybe more by what thinking about you that way meant. So I pretended not to. Pretended that admiring things about you was normal."

"Turn around," she said when I finally stopped my hasty speech.

"What?"

"If you turn around, I'll put the nightgown on," she repeated, smiling - a little too smugly - in my opinion.

Had I just admitted I had been thinking about how hot Ivy was since day one? That had so not been my intention.

I turned around, glad there weren't any mirror's in Ivy's room. Both because my face was turning scarlet, and because I would have been tempted to sneak a peek at Ivy.

"You know, I'm not so sure how good at this I'll be." I felt stupid for the sudden self-doubt that had entered my mind. I knew I was good at sex with guys but with Ivy, I wasn't sure of anything.

Not just because she was a woman but because she was Ivy; a sex goddess both in the vampire community and otherwise. The thought of disappointing her both disheartened and irritated me. Being with Kisten had been wonderful, but I had never paid much thought to his…techniques. I suddenly wished I had been more observant.

"Don't worry. Think of it like the kind of sex you usually have. Just like that. It's about giving and taking. Sharing, body and soul. The rest…well…" she stepped up right behind me, sliding an arm around my waist, "…I'll help you figure it out."

Then there was no more time to worry because Ivy was kissing me. Her soft lips gentle but demanding against mine, tasting of salt, orange juice and Ivy. Warmth bloomed through me, pooling in my stomach. Her hands rose to my hair, and her smell was everywhere, drowning out the world. The scent of vampire and something more, something that was uniquely Ivy.

"Don't worry," she breathed, pulling back. "We're going _slow_, remember?"

This was _slow_? Even if I had wanted to follow that train of thought, I couldn't because Ivy was trailing soft little kisses down my neck. When her mouth closed over my invisible vampire scar I had to focus on something other than her to keep my knees from buckling.

A piece of a white silk dress in Ivy's closet caught my attention. And much like the black nightgown, it distracted me a little too well.

"Ivy," I whispered, the warmth in me ebbing away. "That dress." I pointed as she leaned back from me. Ivy's eyes were nearly black with a mix of hunger and lust but she did look to where I was pointing, proving as much to herself as to me that she had control over her instincts.

"What about it?" she asked. I was acutely aware of the fact that I could hear everything. The smattering of the rain outside, her slightly labored breathing. My own heart beat. "You want to dress up too?"

Shaking my head, I stepped around her and pulled it out. I was surprised it was whole, unstained and as white as the day it had been delivered to Ivy when she was just fourteen. "Piscary gave this to you."

"Yes," she said her hand closing over mine, her eyes now showing confusion instead of desire. "He gave me lots of things." Her tone told me to drop it. The little circles she began to make with her thumb on the back of my hand were also tempting me to do so.

But like a dog with a bone, I couldn't just let it go. The image of fourteen year old Ivy in this dress filled my head.

"You were so young Ivy. When he started with you." I touched the dress, stroking it in much the same way she had with the black nightgown she now was wearing. Only I was not doing it out of some sentimental fondness of the dress but because of the lost innocence it represented.

"I suppose." She shrugged."Kisten wasn't much older. And at fourteen, I was pretty much grown up." She took the dress from me but didn't hang it back in the closet.

"You were fourteen then?" I asked my shoulders slumping in acceptance. She'd just confirmed it. Even though everything about the dream-memory had seemed real, I had been hoping the dream of her had been something my mind had cooked up. Horrible little brain demons playing on my guilt and worry about Ivy's past.

"Yes." She frowned. "It doesn't surprise you?" It wasn't quite a question but not a statement either.

"I had some strange dreams when I was…sleeping," I began. "One of them… Well it was a memory that wasn't mine. It was yours."

She looked confused and a bit uncomfortable. I would be, too, if someone had just told me they had been walking around in my memories. Or maybe she was just wondering if I was nuts. "I know it sounds strange but I saw you receive that dress. Your mother was there and then nothing more."

Ivy shook her head, looking at the floor. I felt suddenly small. Maybe shutting up would have been better. Maybe if I told her everything; about the dream, about Takata and everything it would make more sense?

"God Rachel, way to ruin the mode," she said after a moment and pushed the dress back to me. She stiffly turned and walked over to sit on the bed, her back to me.

Maybe it was her reluctance to let me in, to tell me, that made me want to know even more. Not just because some strange notion it might get better if she talked about it, but because I wanted her to trust me with it, to confide in me. She had been hurt so much, and I wasn't sure if my pushing it would hurt her more or less in the long run.

"I want to know. To talk. Before we do anything else." I walked over to her and dropped the dress on the floor. The bed squeaked a little as I sat next to her.

She tensed."Why? The past is the past. Talking about it won't change what's happening now." She took a deep breath. "At least I hope it wouldn't," she added quietly.

"It wouldn't. It won't," I told her carefully. "I just want you to be able to tell me. To share it." I took her hands, pulling them into my lap. She was still sitting stiffly and was taking deeply, regular breaths as if she was counting the seconds between inhalations.

For a long time she said nothing and I was afraid I had pushed her too far.

"When I was fifteen-" She stopped, clearly not sure how to go on. "I was fifteen when I killed someone for the first time. It was my birthday gift from _him._ To kill someone." Her tone gave nothing away. It was so even she could have been reciting one of her color-coded and alphabetized shopping lists.

"I'm sorry," I said, for I could think of nothing else. Ivy didn't seem to hear me, just continued with her story.

"She had red hair, you know. I didn't remember it until after Piscary died. The thought of it…well," her voice begun to shake and she looked away. "I thought Piscary, Kisten, all of them, had been right. I was going to kill you. You were going to be like that dead red headed girl so long ago, limp in my arms after I drained you. History doomed to repeat itself." She smiled but there was no happiness in it.

"It won't," I promised her.

"I know," she said, finally looking at me. "But I want you to understand talking about it doesn't make it go away. It doesn't make it less real. I did those things. Me. Sure it was Piscary that coaxed me into it but I still killed her. And I have done much worse over the years."

"It doesn't matter." I squeezed her hand harder. The thought of those things terrified me but I knew that wasn't Ivy anymore. It never would be again.

"But, Rachel, maybe it should matter. The control he had over me…" She shivered and shook her head. "That dress, me keeping it, it wasn't even something I thought about. Throwing it away would have been an affront to him. Even though I hated him and wanted to disobey him, I never did anything but let it hang there."

"But why do you _still_ have it? He can't hurt you anymore." A startled expression crossed her face, and I wondered if I'd said the wrong thing. Then her eyes brightened as if a strange new idea had entered her mind.

"You're right," she said suddenly letting go of me, standing up. With vampire speed she snatched the dress from the floor and then she was gone.

I blinked at her sudden absence before following her out into the corridor. The bathroom door was open but the room empty; she had clearly already been in there. I could hear her opening drawers in the kitchen and followed the noise. The church was eerily quiet, all the pixies tucked away in the stump because of the rain.

I watched Ivy find the matches I kept with my spelling candles, her movements jerky, like she was possessed and only one thought filled her mind. What that thought could be, I wasn't really sure. She still clutched the white dress and, I noticed with some dismay, a bottle of nail polish remover.

"Ivy?" I asked cautiously, still standing in the doorway. "What's-?"Before I could say anything more Ivy had thrown the back door open and walked out into the rain. Without shoes. That last part had me really worried.

Not bothering with shoes or a jacket either, I hurried out after her. The rain was still pouring and my white top quickly began to soak through. _Perfect_. At least the ground was grassy, not muddy. Shivering, I looked for Ivy.

She was in the graveyard section of the garden. Moving closer I saw flames. Alarmed, I quickly stepped over the low dividing wall.

"Ivy what are you…?" I began as I caught up with her. The nail polish remover bottle lay in the middle of the quickly burning pile of white silk. Both the size and the smell of the fire told me she had poured the flammable substance on the cloth before setting it ablaze. I watched with a mix of horror and strange satisfaction as the beautiful white fabric and the glittering stones turned black before crumbling into ashes.

"Rachel?" Ivy asked hesitantly. I tore my eyes away from the burning dress. This wasn't exactly what I had meant by getting rid of it. Ivy was looking at me with her big brown eyes, searching my expression.

"Ivy? Did you just start a fire in the garden?" I asked, wondering if I were still in my strange dream world.

"I guess I did." She shook her head, seeming as shocked as me. "I really must have brain damage." The joke shattered whatever tension had grown between us, leaving the situation oddly distant and separate.

She smiled slowly, a real smile, her eyes glittering and rain drops catching in her hair. She glided towards me, stopping inches away. "You were right. I do feel better." She tugged a lose strand of my hair out of my face.

Maybe I was imagining it but as I gazed into her eyes, she did look happier. Setting that dress on fire had been good for her. It wouldn't fix everything but from the new sense of calm that now graced her features, I wondered if it hadn't at least helped some.

"I love you Ivy," I said, meaning it in every possible way. She smiled wider.

"I know," she murmured as she leaned closer. Before I could register what was happening, she picked me off the ground and planted my butt on a headstone, making our eyes almost level.

Her eyes scanned my soaked top appreciatively. Her hands slid up the outside of my thighs, one stopping at my hip and the other continuing up under my wet top to my waist as she leaned in to crush our lips together.

This kiss was very little like the slow passionate ones, the ones she had used to seduce me but not push me over the edge. It was demanding and spoke of much more than love. It spoke of passion and things yet to be discovered. Things she was going to teach me and things I would teach her in return. It held promises of so much.

She pulled back slightly, her lips red from kissing. Grinning she slid her hand from my waist to the button of my jeans. I breathed deeply, feeling dizzy in the most wonderful way. Her breath was hot against my cheek as she toyed with the button of my jeans.

My arms went around her neck, wanting her closer. "Ivy," I moaned, not able to get anything else out. But I didn't need any other words. She understood and kissed me again. Despite the rain my skin felt nearly on fire. I said her name again but this time she pulled back. She leaned her head against my neck, her breath against my scar tantalizing.

"We should get you out of these clothes," she said, pulling completely away from me. Losing contact with her body made me shiver. "Come on." She took my hand and led me back to the church. _Getting out of my clothes doesn't sound half bad. _The thought made me shiver even more, both with trepidation and excitement.

Both of us dripping with rain, Ivy led us through the kitchen, down the corridor and to her bed room door. I stopped just outside and swallowed.

"Ivy," I said slowly, hearing the uncertainty in my own words. I wanted this, but I was still scared. More scared than I could ever remember being of any demon, witch or dead vampire.

"If you don't want it to go too far you can always sleep in your own room," she said. The suggestion was no doubt meant seriously – she wouldn't pressure me into something I didn't want – but her grin said how much she believed I would take her up on that offer.

Then she walked a few steps into the room and slid the thin straps of the nightgown off her shoulders. It fell to the floor. I blinked. I had always admired Ivy's beauty but as she stood in the half-light, her back to me, wearing only a pair of black panties, I wasn't sure any creature in the whole world could measure up. Brushing back her hair, she glanced at me over her shoulder. "Coming?"

_So much for slow_, I thought as I followed her into the bedroom.

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